AMAZING RACE – 11/11/12

I really, really thought that life didn’t get better than watching James’ dive over and over. I really thought nothing could be funnier than James’ dive. And then Brent did his “dive.” What-in-the-name-of-all-that-is-holy-effing-sh*t was THAT? We seriously hit rewind about 97 times and had tears streaming down our cheeks by the time we’d had enough of watching it. I still haven’t deleted it from the DVR because I think I may want to watch it again next time I’m in a really sh*tty mood. So, how do I POSSIBLY describe this “dive” adequately in words? It was like he almost dove in somewhat correctly. But, at the last possible second he switched to a squat position in the legs and a hands-apart downward praying motion with his hands and, with no better words for it, he basically entered the water shaped like a freaking staple or something. I’m sorry but if I’m Josh, I would’ve dumped his *ss immediately after seeing that. That was one of those horrific things you can’t ever un-see, you know? I think I’d prefer to picture my husband over and over hobbling around with sh*tty underwear around his ankles than picture him doing that dive. Anyway, they try to place Brent’s *ss at the end of the performance to hide him but his dive doesn’t exactly improve. Wow. There are no words.

As an aside, anyone know what the HELL Ryan was talking about when he was rattling on and talking about when you’re in a cold pool with Russian swimmers “You tend to perk up?” Were we talking about what I think we’re talking about? Abbie didn’t look pissed, so I wasn’t sure. I hit rewind a bunch of times and I THINK he was kind of referring to an “adrenaline” rush but just the way he phrased it seemed like something else entirely. And, yuck. Anyway, Ryan & Abbie start going on and on about how much they had all of a sudden had a burst of energy to just get the swimming task done. Yeah, you saw what a train wreck Brent’s dives were and realized we’d be living on Mars before he completed that task. That’s definitely a motivator. Brent is literally AWFUL at this task. Doesn’t even seem to have the “treading water” part down. There are nine month olds out there doing better in a pool somewhere. There is NO way this is happening for Brent. Even the coach is pissed and starts yelling and verbally berating Brent up about just how awful he is. This may actually end with her beating the living sh*t out of him for making a mockery of her sport. Let me get the popcorn.

We hit some Locks of Love Roadblock task. Well, not everyone does. Brent is still drowning, literally and figuratively, back at the pool. Anyway, they cue the Lexi “awwwwws” when she reads the clue. ANNOYING! James and Abba are halfway through the task when they realize (rut roh!) that they totally forgot about that cabbie that still has all their stuff, including those all-important passports. As expected, the cabbie has taken off into oblivion with all their stuff, and they can’t remember one thing about what the taxi looked like. This looks to be trouble for the rockers…..

Pit stop order:

1. Trey and Lexi. (Phil asks on a scale of 1-10 where does their love rate? Lexi: “1000!” Perhaps she needs A SCALE FROM ONE TO TEN explained to her in more detail. And thanks a lot Phil for asking that f*cking annoying question. Had that been me, I’d have looked at my husband and said, “Uh, THREE? Today IS a good day.”)
2. Jaymes and James
3. Natalie and Nadiya
4. James and Abba – They cannot check in because they have no passports. We’re left with them sitting on a wall dejectedly and get the “To Be Continued…” screen. Could be lights out for our hairy guys….

See you next week!

Written by: Kim Wilson
Email: kwilson1101*AT*gmail.com
Twitter: kwilson111