So, on to the show! Phil’s back and announces that whoever wins the first leg gets an Express Pass for themselves and also will get a second one to give to another team prior to the 4th leg. Also, the Race is back to a prize of 1 million. Not sure what happened to the 2 million option, especially since there’s not that big of a chance that anyone would win it, but I guess they got rid of that rather quickly. I am just hoping they step up their game this season with some more challenging tasks. The last few seasons have been a bit disappointing for me. The tasks just really haven’t tripped anyone up all that much.
The teams are off after about a three or four minute Ford Fusion commercial. We’re not stupid, CBS. We know Ford’s a sponsor here and that you aren’t just really gung ho for crappy cars. Show some Shelby Mustangs and we’ll talk. But Ford Fusions? Eh, I don’t think even Henry Ford himself would get all that jazzed up over these things. Even with those talking navigation systems that someone producing the Race always seems to have a boner over.
The teams are headed for Bora Bora and they are informed that there are only 5 teams getting onto the first flight. Chuck, clearly headed for a MENSA membership, announces: “Hopefully we’re one of the first five. If not, we’re on the second flight.” Look out folks, this guy might cure cancer yet.
Idries and Jamil, the twin doctors, are asked by the Asian chicks what they do for a living. Jamil says: “We’re uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh…delivery men.” Asians are all over them like white on rice. (I’m pretty sure that statement wasn’t appreciated by everyone.) The Asians are onto them and ask: “Are you lying?” Hmm…you think? This dude is pretty much the worst liar ever. I mean, you can totally tell he HATES not just declaring…”I’m a DOCTOR” and then just sitting back and waiting for the chicks to start unbuttoning his pants. The doctors come clean quickly because these Asians were not buying it. That plan didn’t exactly work. They probably expected to hold out on that secret for a little longer than 9 seconds, huh?
I think these hockey guys may be in some trouble. They are already distracted by all the blonde hair around. One almost falls over trying to make sure the blondes sit next to them at the back of the bus. Is this 5th grade or something? One says he’s going to keep his eye on the blondes because they are cute. There’s a million dollars on the line here, guy. Try to keep your penis in your pants at least until you get the first clue, please?
The rednecks, Asians, Dave & Connor, Jessica & John and the twin doctors are the five teams on the first flight. The blondes with the band ask the guys in front of them what number in line they are. They say, “Five.” One blonde says, “Shoot, I think we’re sixth.” Hmmm, I’m pretty sure if the guys in front of you are #5 that you shouldn’t have had to take the time to calculate out loud that 5 + 1= 6, but whatever.
Ah, what a treat. We get to spend time with our newlywed, overly tan couple. They note that in their everyday lives they don’t have many friends. Now THERE’S a shock. Almost as big a shock as when Chuck told us he was a manager at a Walmart. Anyway, Max says that Katie’s likeability factor is low when it comes to strangers. Yep, you’re right Max. I don’t like her already. How much you want to bet these two have conversations at least once a day about how she doesn’t have friends because everyone else is jealous of her beauty or something. Nah, Katie, it’s just you. Ironically, they blather on about how annoying the YouTube pair is (and they ARE) but these two are just as annoying. They talk about how she had to put her fake voice on to talk to the YouTubers as if there’s any other kind of voice coming out of this girl.
The first five teams land in Tahiti and stage a pow wow to try to form an alliance. The twins try to get all the teams to agree that the 1st team who gets the Express Pass will give the second Express Pass to the second team. They all agree and form an alliance. I thought they might actually have wanted to see who is any good at this game before aligning, but hey, what do I know.
Winona has a big butt. (For TV purposes, anyway.) I think it was highlighted by the fact she wears shiny exercise pants in a size XXXXS. Damn it, Walmart. Stop selling this sh*t already.
Good recap. I enjoyed it very much and agree with you on the lack of challenging tasks in prior seasons. Hope the rest of the season’s tasks stay competitive.
Somethings up with your pit stop order, the doctors are missing.
^^ and there are 11 teams, not 10.
But other than that, I literally lol’ed at work and got strange looks from my boss. Keep up the awesomely non-PC recaps, they make my day just a little bit more tolerable.
I wasSO happy when the Race came back on this season, more because now I can look forward to your recaps! I literally check the site all day on Mondays waiting for you to post…so I, like the above commenter, can laugh my a$$ off. I even read portions out loud to my kids.
I recently resigned from my low-paying, high stress job to return to Stay-At-Home Mom status, so now I’m even more bored and looking forward to your recaps to justify $hit like avoiding doing the laundry. Keep up the great work. P.S. I in no way hold you (or Steve) responsible for my husband’s lack of clean underwear.