Moving along to the first task, I am pleasantly surprised. The Race is starting off strong with the teams having to perform a tandem skydive from 10,000 feet up. Okay, John is already on my nerves. “I was born to jump out of helicopters!” Maybe those without parachutes. He’s one of these weirdly too-fair blondes with just a goofy toothy look. He’s one of those losers that are talking but all you see is teeth and his mouth is barely moving. You’d almost think he’s a ventriloquist or something, like there should be a freaking puppet on his shoulder. Jessica’s definitely pulled the short straw in this relationship. He is one goofy looking guy.
No offense, but Dave can’t get near a microphone without mentioning cancer and crying already. Come on, guy. I’m trying to enjoy my evening and watch a little TV. I don’t need cancer coming up every two seconds. And, it turns out his son Connor is that annoying a-hole that yells like he’s on a roller coaster ride while some poor sap has got him strapped to his back 10,000 feet up. That guy should’ve cut his *ss loose.
I hope the rednecks are cool that they are kind of the jokes of the season, because they play banjo music every time these two do anything.
After some rather annoying jumps, including Caroline sounding like she was giving birth in the air, the teams are to take a water taxi to the beach. There they have to dig through up to 400 sand castles in 100 degree heat to find next clue. They also have to rebuild the same number of sandcastles they’ve destroyed. This is a really cool task. I must say, I’m liking this season so far.
John was quickly on my nerves again. He apparently felt the need to explain the whole agreement again where the first team to get Express Pass #1 will give Express Pass #2 to the second team like we are morons that can’t follow such basic concepts. I already feel like punching this guy in the teeth.
If there was any doubt about the sexual orientation of Joey, there is no longer after he read that clue. He all but did a split while waving a rainbow flag. Once he found the clue he basically did a cheerleading jump with the highest pitched scream someone that supposedly has testicles has ever let out.
I must say, I was thinking Max and Katie’s strategy of having her digging through the sandcastles was moronic. She just doesn’t look like the type to do well when her makeup gets sweaty. She is also someone who apparently thinks its “Wall-Ah” instead of “Voila!” However, she and Max convince the other two teams who were all having trouble finding their sand clue to agree to take a four hour penalty and move on to the next task. This was really not a bad idea. Somewhere under all that orange skin and hairspray, there must actually be a brain.
The final task was to rig a canoe and paddle it over to the pit stop. Not much time was spent showing anyone actually rig this thing, so I presume it didn’t cause much trouble. But the actual paddling seemed to cause trouble. Many teams capsized, which was fun for me. That ventriloquist idiot John looked like Simple Jack from “Tropic Thunder” with that goofy leaf hat on.
Pit stop order:
1. Jessica and John. He seriously just explained how the Express Pass #1 and Express Pass #2 thing works again. Maybe he really is Simple Jack.
2. Bates and Anthony.
3. Connor and Dave. (They are expecting an Express Pass from Jessica and John).
4. Pam and Winnie.
5. Mona and Beth. (Pretty impressive; they started out in last place).
6. Joey and Meghan.
7. Chuck and Winona.
8. Max and Katie. (Four hour penalty next leg).
9. Caroline and Jennifer. (Four hour penalty next leg).
10. Matt and Daniel. (Eliminated; now we see why they spent exactly 10 seconds on these two).
Have a great week!
Written by:
Kim Wilson
Email: kwilson1101@gmail.com
Twitter: kwilson111 (I’m going to warn you, I still don’t always remember to post this on Twitter. Ironically, my husband is a Twitter addict who doesn’t watch The Amazing Race or even read my column. Go figure.)
Good recap. I enjoyed it very much and agree with you on the lack of challenging tasks in prior seasons. Hope the rest of the season’s tasks stay competitive.
Somethings up with your pit stop order, the doctors are missing.
^^ and there are 11 teams, not 10.
But other than that, I literally lol’ed at work and got strange looks from my boss. Keep up the awesomely non-PC recaps, they make my day just a little bit more tolerable.
I wasSO happy when the Race came back on this season, more because now I can look forward to your recaps! I literally check the site all day on Mondays waiting for you to post…so I, like the above commenter, can laugh my a$$ off. I even read portions out loud to my kids.
I recently resigned from my low-paying, high stress job to return to Stay-At-Home Mom status, so now I’m even more bored and looking forward to your recaps to justify $hit like avoiding doing the laundry. Keep up the great work. P.S. I in no way hold you (or Steve) responsible for my husband’s lack of clean underwear.