Marcus next gives us more of his NFL pep talk type wisdom: “If our kids don’t quit, we won’t quit either.” Huh? You get that we don’t live with you and have no clue what your kids aren’t quitting right? But we’re not talking terminal cancer and chemotherapy here, I’m guessing. He’s probably talking about one of his spoiled little darlings not quitting gymnastics or archery or something. And give me a break, I don’t buy it. Kids quit almost anything but toys pretty easily. You as the adult are apparently supposed to be there to try to stop them from quitting until the thing you are trying to stop them from quitting gets on your nerves enough. That voice in your head says “You can’t let them just quit…that would be bad parenting!” until they are whining and crying and it’s raining on some random field and the kid sucks at the sport anyway and you pretty much just end up saying “Fine, just f’ing quit already.” And then you have your Saturday mornings back. But I digress….
Anyway, Marcus and Amani arrive last at the temple and decide to let their taxi go because he stunk at driving or whatever. Well, having to hoof it 20 miles on foot toward the pit stop when you’re already in last place would probably be worse than having a slow taxi driver driving you there instead, but maybe it’s just me. Anyway, as they are leaving, Andy and Tommy tell Marcus and Amani all the answers. All four hand signals and the number pertaining to each one. Yet somehow Marcus and Amani conveniently forget all of them because they are so tired running to the temple. Uh, we’re talking eight things here, right, with most of the numbers being 17 and the other being 18? I could not understand for the life of me what they could be thinking. Remember what Andy and Tommy said and you’re bypassing every other team; forget them and you’re probably eliminated. Eh, just go ahead and forget them though, sounds like a better idea.
So Laurence and Zac are shown checking in at the pit stop first but get a 15 minute penalty for using four buckets instead of two with those sheep. So I’m stuck watching Bill and Ted check in first again this week. Man, it’s been a bad weekend. But had to love their confusion when Phil tells them Zac and Laurence got a 15 minute penalty which makes Tommy and Andy team number one. Tommy and Andy didn’t seem to comprehend what the hell Phil was saying. He should’ve dumbed it down like a caveman for them: “Zac and Laurence not first. Got penalty. So you now first.” Anyway, it must finally land what he is saying because they feel bad for Zac and Laurence. They tell them to let them know if they ever need snowboard gear. Awesome! We lose a trip but may get some goofy looking snow goggles instead.
Finally, Marcus is shown getting hit with the reality that Tommy and Andy had given them all the answers and they hadn’t bothered remembering them, even though they are in last place. Could be one of the stupidest things a team has ever done on this show yet. Marcus says “I think they said something about hand gestures but I wasn’t even listening.” Yeah, what did you think they were talking about? They basically said “Here are the answers.” How much clearer could they have been to clue you in that you should be listening?
But the highlight of my night had to be each team coming up to the guy at the temple, and right or wrong, their answer resembling something like “hands up is 17, hands down 17, hands folded 18” and yet my brainy showgirl just walked up like a first grader and just asked “Four?” Haha. Kind of like a true/false question that some dummy answers “B?” to. Not to mention she only counted four Buddhas in the whole place? Awesome.
So Bill finally thinks he knows the answer and gets all dramatic and decides to sit on the ground to reveal the different Buddha positions and numbers. I found this really annoying. Even more annoying was the precedent he set doing that. Apparently everyone else saw him do that and get the answers right, so now they all think that the sitting on the ground part to answer is a requirement too. So Justin decides to cop a squat and give the positions and numbers. And then Ernie and Liz and Jeremy do it too. Dummies. I mean, did the clue say anything about having to sit on the ground? Don’t think so.
So Marcus doesn’t seem to have gotten done that much after the team right ahead of them, so they seem like they are still in it, but they did send that taxi driver away.
Anyway, here is our finishing order:
#1 Andy/ Tommy
#2 Laurence/Zac
#3 Jeremy /Sandy
#4 Justin/Jennifer
#5 Ernie/Cindy (which, had they just given Justin and Jennifer a couple of roundhouse kicks to the head right in front of Phil, could’ve been fourth…would love someone to do that just for the hell of it one of these weeks)
#6 Amani/Marcus (still trying to figure out how that no taxi thing didn’t hold them back…apparently people should’ve just run to the pit stop instead of wasting 20 minutes looking for their taxi driver)
#7 Bill and Cathi
#8 Liz /Marie
#9 Kaylani/Lisa (wonk-wonk-wonk-eliminated)
Love the showgirls’ little speech after elimination- “We’ve had a good time, seen so many places, etc.” Same old stuff. Then Kaylani bores us with tears and talk of how much she misses her daughter. Uh, you just lost. You’re heading back to her now. And why she decides to explain to Phil right after that that “She’s four with blonde hair and blue eyes” was beyond me. First of all, Phil, nor do any of us, care about that. Why she felt the need to describe her I can’t figure out. Yeah, she looks nothing like you. She’s not missing, right? Is there an Amber Alert? Otherwise, we don’t need a physical description. I could see “I miss her…she’s such a sweet kid” or something, but to have given a physical description of the kid at that moment was just odd. Unless you’re trying to tell Phil he’s the father, it was just strange.
And then we get more words of wisdom: “It’s not easy being a single mom.” Apparently for you it is. Who has the kid been with while you race all over the world trying to get that 15 minutes of fame? “I feel like I failed her…wah wah.” Why? Because you don’t get to be on The View after this like Elisabeth Hasselbeck? Because Playboy hasn’t called yet? And let’s be real: even had this chick won the million I don’t see her putting money away for a college fund for the kid or anything. This chick is a straight up—bigger fake boobies, more Botox, more lip implants, butt implants, more expensive clothes, new top of the line Mercedes–type. So spare us the talk of failing your daughter. You probably do that just as well at home, I’m sure. Pick that zit on your forehead and get off my screen once and for all. But don’t feel too bad, you’ll get more screen time: Exactly four seconds when they show you waving to the winner at the end of the season.
Next week: Thailand. Previews were pretty much useless. Just looked like team members getting annoyed…no tragedy from what I could see and lots of footage of Cathi’s annoying accent. Yay.
See you next week!
Written by:
Kim Wilson
Email: kwilson1101@gmail.com
Twitter: @kwilson1101
Hysterical recap! You just made my Monday morning. I too was perplexed by the blonde, blue eyed child. I noticed Ernie saying the last six months was all about race prep. Do they really have six months notice that they are on the show? I don’t think so. They are so annoying. Cathi falling was the highlight. That’s one tough old bird. Amani/Marcus and Jeremy/Sandy only placed where they did because they did not have a cab to go back to. If they did what everyone else had done the placements would have been totally different. Can’t wait for next week!
Great recap, Kim. Very funny!
I will miss the great quotes from the showgirls, but at least we still have the Barbie twins!
Thanks for the recap! It was fun…
Funny you mentioned the taxi rides and how they are such an integral part of every show. I don’t mind the rides, but I think they have been showing way too many of them this year. And at some point in the past they decided to stop dwelling so much on the teams’ interactions at the airports. They used to show a lot of that, but remember reading they were going to stop showing so much of that a few years ago. But they have time to show this much of the taxi rides? I’m getting over those!
I like reading the recaps. I am glad you put in there about the showgirl saying the castle looks like its been here a long time. Haha that was really funny and possibly one of the dumbest things I have ever heard.
On another note you always seem kinda negative. Dont get me wrong, I love the sarcasm and jokes but I think you should lighten up a bit, do you even like any of the teams?
I like the snowboarders because they have such a carefree attitude and it’s obviously working for them! I think they are smarter than they appear…