AMAZING RACE – 10/14/12

And next we arrive at the always sunny, always dignified, always beautiful Brittany and Caitlin. Actually, we arrive at their demented twin sisters. Brittany, in a litany of rational thinking, is going off on the guy who drove the rickshaw thingy: “I’m about to lose it because this guy doesn’t speak English and it took 15 minutes to pay him.” Yeah, what a jerk for not being able to speak English in Indonesia. Not sure what the problem was either because they showed footage of Will and Gary asking their driver how much, their guy holding up two fingers and them paying and leaving two seconds later. Brittany and Caitlin weren’t exactly the poster girls for classy tourists in this segment.

You just had to love the exchange with Nadiya and Natalie at the U-turn. God help them, these two are airheads. Nadiya crashed her forehead right into the camera while taking off and Natalie sat there trying to see how cute her picture looked on the screen until Nadiya yelled at her to move. I’d rather watch a reality show featuring these two than any of those 25 or more K___ Kardashians. Anyone else shocked that Rob wasn’t named Kob? TV whores. I’ll never set foot in a Sears until they get rid of that K Dash sh*t or whatever. Which is crazy anyway. I’m no Kardashian and I’m still not buying my clothes at Sears. Sears needs to do what it does best. Stock up on those flannel lumberjack shirts and Rustler jeans for the men and ugly embroidered sweatshirts with big Santas or sunflowers or wolf heads on them (depending on the season) with big mom jeans for the women. You’re Sears, act like it. Craftsman sweatshirts and ugly block-butt jeans that instantly provide wedgies. You’re light years behind even JCPenney, Sears. Pull it together already.

Back to the show, sorry about that. Anyway, Rob and Kelley U-turn Gary and Will, who must make an all important decision in issuing their own U-turn. They pick Rob and Kelley (who already checked in) instead of the blonde b*tch twins and you think they’re screwed. But since these blondes are hot but single for a reason, it does not prove fatal for Gary and Will. Caitlin and Brittany are shown basically whipping their driver like an effing racehorse, all the while berating his driving. Brittany, as rational as ever, yells: “I’m so pissed off that a guy from this country can’t speak English!” Uh huh. I’m guessing she’s not a huge fan of some of our undocumented friends from the other side of the border back in the old US of A. Anyway, I’m not exactly sure why she’s decided that English should be the primary language everywhere; perhaps to be learned in schools worldwide in preparation for that very important moment when an American blonde from reality TV is yelling at you. I was kind of hoping the driver figured out that Brittany was b*tching about him and dumped her off the front of the rickshaw thingy. (I know, it’s not a rickshaw. But I don’t care.) She was obviously relying on the fact that he didn’t speak English when she needed him to cart her *ss around yet sat there dogging him the whole time. Not sure what the word for b*tch is in Indonesian, but this guy was definitely thinking it.

Wow, I thought they were just pretending like Caitlin and Brittany and Gary and Will were neck and neck but they apparently actually were. Gary slips their driver a cool extra 5 cents or something extra and he speeds up tremendously. At the same time, Brittany is freaking out at her driver to pick up the pace. Her driver got his final revenge and basically drove the blonde b*tches to Detroit instead of the pit stop. Brittany unexpectedly erupts. Or, not so unexpectedly. “We showed our driver exactly where to go, but he made the wrong turn!!!!” Yeah, you knew where you were all of a sudden and yet this driver from the area didn’t? Sure. Anyway, in typical sour grapes style Brittany rattles on about how they are so much better at the Race than Gary and Will so it is hard that a worse team is still in the Race and they are gone. Yeah, you would’ve been in 8th place versus 9th. You’re not exactly Seabiscuit, Brittany. Final thoughts: Kudos to CBS for finding the one chick left on earth that actually snorts when she laughs Three’s Company style. Bye, Bye Chrissy Snow.

Pit stop order: Just a thought: Isn’t there usually the hottest chick from each country standing on the mat with Phil? This one was a short, boy-looking chick with glasses and an effing MUSTACHE. I did not even mention the white KKK-like uniform that was only missing the hooded mask with the stupid eye holes. Seriously, Indonesia? Good luck in that Miss Universe pageant.

1. Abbie and Ryan – just about copulate on the pit stop mat because they are in first place.
2. Trey and Lexi – just tells you this leg was way too easy. These two morons were right on Abbie and Ryan’s heels.
3. Jaymes and James
4. Abba and James (One’s wearing a “Be Dipherent” t-shirt. Most probably think this is cute, but since we’re generally all Phillies fans around my way, I’m just a little sick of “F” words spelled with “Ph” instead. Picture constantly seeing stupid t-shirts with “Pheel the Phitin’ Phils!” on them all the time.)
5. Josh and Brent – We get a nice shot of his Brent’s sweaty pits. Thanks to editing for that one.
6. Natalie and Nadiya
7. Rob and Kelley – “You’re team #7!” must’ve sounded like “You just won a new house!” to these two morons. A little too much excitement for 7th place.
8. Gary and Will
9. Caitlin and Brittany (Eliminated. Wonk, wonk wonk). Any doubt that driver went the wrong way on purpose?

Moral of the week: Karma’s a b*tch and so is Brittany.

See you next week!

Written by:
Kim Wilson
Email: kwilson1101*AT*gmail.com
Twitter: kwilson111