Welcome to December! Only one more week and we’ll know who wins the million. I was kind of hoping to have won a bunch of millions myself this week, but with my typical luck, I couldn’t even win 4 bucks by getting the Powerball. I must say, it’s been ages since I’ve played. You know, I really can’t do much with just one or two million, so the jackpot’s got to be up to $500 million for me to bother to play. Makes sense, right? So I go into the store like an idiot and offer a $5 bill to the clerk. She’s like, “Um, it’s $2 per play.” Shows how long it’s been since I’ve played. Then I’m faced with the impossible decision to just get two tickets or to go back to my car to get another dollar. Here, I’m going in there thinking I’ll get five tickets out of $5. All the while, I’ve got the baby in her heavy-*ss carrier with me. So I go back to the car, retrieve another … Continue reading →

Only three episodes to go! I’m hearing there’s a two hour finale planned for December 9th, so we are almost there. Hope everyone in the USA had a great Thanksgiving weekend and were able to feel genuinely thankful for everything and everyone they have. Now, you can officially put all that mushy sh*t aside and start running old and disabled people over for toys and gadgets you don’t yet have. It’s Christmas! Time to start punching people for Xboxes, right? That’s what I hate about Internet shopping. There’s just no way to tell other shoppers to go f*ck themselves. Even better is when you tell someone—or they tell you—and they are wearing one of those Santa hats with the stupid bell on the end of it. Does it get ANY better than that? Nope. This whole Christmas season is really missing something when you don’t go out and shop at the actual stores. ‘Tis the season for a*sholes, for sure. There are certainly a bunch of them out there driving. Ever been flipped off by … Continue reading →

Well, hello again. I’m going to warn you in advance that this column kind of blows this week. You’d think with two million on the line that the show would be getting more compelling, but it is kind of a snoozefest this season. Couple of dance moves, a little math, and eliminations due to missing passports. Yawn. Anyway, looks like we are picking up right where we left off last week—on the pit stop mat. James and Abba are in some serious trouble. They don’t have their passports and they can’t check in. Meanwhile, about seven hours have passed in the pool and Brent is still diving like a bird that’s been shot repeatedly. Those synchronized swimmers finally tell these two that the pool is closing and they’ve got one last shot to pull this one off. Unfortunately for Brent, he isn’t getting any better at this. You know it must be bad if they’ve seen him do this routine 400 times and still shoot him down on the last try. If this were the … Continue reading →