So Ryan and Abbie choose the straw task. The factory must’ve been 300 degrees or something because everyone looked disgusting. They were dripping with sweat, dirty, and you almost could smell them through the TV. Ryan shows us his quick whit yet again: “This task took pure jute force.” Yeah, that was a good one. Look out, Eddie Murphy. Well, Abbie laughed. She was being sarcastic, but still. Every time Ryan opens his mouth, I want to punch his teeth down this throat. I have no clue how Abbie spends more than a minute with this guy at a time, but she must have her own issues. Isn’t that usually the case? You don’t typically find a totally normal person with some a-hole weirdo like this.
The alternate detour was Bamboo Jungle. This consisted of loading really long unwieldy stalks (is that what they are called?) of bamboo onto a cart that’s way too short for them and transport them across town by bike. Yep. As expected, this is a disaster. I’m surprised no locals were killed by this task. The bamboo was so tall that as the teams were transporting it and tried to turn, they kept hitting the locals with it. James and Abba almost swept some locals out of the street like someone hit the reset button on a bowling lane. The twins were really bad with the bamboo, and people were seriously in danger while they were moving it around. Nadiya nearly impaled a local with her bamboo. I think Trey and Lexi may have poked a bunch of kids’ eyes out trying to get to the pit stop. They were literally scraping and sticking everything in their path. Trey feels the need to tell us how strong Lexi is. She’s lifting bamboo, dude, not an SUV. Let’s try to get some perspective.
Apparently Brent and Josh were really far behind, because they show Brent still trying to build the freaking scale. Brent is upset because his scale sucks. He goes on and on about how he has no clue why it stinks because he built it like he would build a structure at the farm. Enough with the farm talk, guys. We get it. And ditto on that with Rob and Kelley with the monster truck talk. We don’t care that much. Anyway, Brent mentions the farm yet again. “Before becoming a goat farmer, I was a physician.” Now there’s a sentence you don’t hear everyday. No clue what the hell that has to do with building a medieval scale, but still interesting stuff. I think I could devote a chapter of a book to analyzing this one. So, you spend seven years in medical school? If that is after the initial four years in college or seven years altogether, I don’t know. Either way, you’ve spent a lot of time in school and racked up probably hundreds of thousands in med school loans. One day, you just quit and decide to be a freaking goat shepherd or whatever? Isn’t that kind of like going from rocket scientist to sorting garbage or something? I mean, who cares, whatever floats your boat, but it is weird. How do you make money with goats anyway? I just don’t get it. Josh is probably a Wall Streeter or something while Brent is raking goat sh*t, but the whole scenario is still strange to me.
Jaymes (“Y”) is shown next going on about how they want to save money so they don’t eat so they are dropping weight left and right. Huh? Anyone catch what the hell he was talking about? I must’ve missed something because that sounded like some weird LSD trip or something. The guy sounded nuts. Especially since those two look to be in perfect shape. Next, James feels the need to explain to us that they are really securing their bamboo because they don’t want it all to fall off the cart and have to come all the way back to do it again. That’s basic knowledge, dummy. We get it. It’s almost like the producers had them film this stuff after the fact too, because it turned out to be foreshadowing. Of course, they end up having to come back because counting to twenty is too difficult for these two, even though they have twenty fingers between the two of them. Luckily for them, Brent and James are busy petting goats instead of getting their *sses in gear and completing the task. I can totally see taking the time to pet goats when you’re in last place, since Brent and Josh never get a chance to do that. Anyway, they give the James twins extra time to all for this screw up.
We’re at the pit stop and it feels like that happened all too quickly. Again, these tasks haven’t blown me away. Maybe it’s just the countries they are visiting, but where are the “rappel down a skyscraper” or “bungee jump from a bridge” tasks? It’s like week after week of slumming around farmer’s markets and doing crappy jobs. I am kind of hoping they move out of this area of the world soon.
Pit stop order:
1. James and Abba (Phil: “It’s another good day for you guys!” Well, actually Phil, I found out today that Dad has Stage 4 cancer, remember? )
2. Abbie and her Jack*ss ex-husband (They are in TEARS because they aren’t in first place. Did I mention that I hate these two yet?)
3. Natalie and Nadiya.
4. Rob and Kelley. Team #4 and dancing around like they won the lottery. I figure if they win the million, their heads will actually pop off. Luckily, that will be an improvement for both of them.
5. Trey and Lexi
6. Y and James – Y trips and falls over on his way to the pit stop. I almost thought the guy standing at the gate stuck his foot out like my sons would’ve done, but alas, it was just a bar at the bottom of the gate to blame. Phil laughs his *ss off, and even the chick at the pit stop is laughing. Falling is apparently universally funny.
7. Josh and Brent (Non-elimination leg). Brent said again for the 50th time this episode: “That’s why we’ve been together 14 years…We can do anything… Bring it!” Anything except for come in first place, apparently.
Moral of the story this week: If you need to kill or maim someone, bamboo is actually a viable option.
Hope to see you next week!
Written by:
Kim Wilson
Email: kwilson1101*AT*gmail.com
Twitter: kwilson111
I have just one really, really important comment.
I am a twin. I am not only a twin; I am an identical twin.
Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever in my 50+ years of life have I called my identical twin “Twinnie.” Not once. Ever.
As a matter of fact, because my aunts couldn’t tell my sister and I apart, they called both of us “Twin” and we HATED it!
Were I ever to screech “Twinnie!” at my twin, I’d hope she’d smack me upside the head!
It is really weird you said that. I have good friends that are identical twins. We’ve been friends since fourth grade, I think. When we first met, I’d just refer to both as “Twin.” They HATED that and to this day, finally confronted me on it, and I don’t ever go there with those two. Me, the dummy, had no idea because I thought it was so cute to be a twin and didn’t know they wouldn’t like it. I even feel bad every time I refer to the girls as “the twins” but it’s so hard to keep typing all of their names over and over. But anyway, I found it weird that they were using the term “Twinnie” also! 🙂
Sorry, my editing kind of stunk on that prior post. They confronted me when we were kids and to this day I never refer to them as “the twins” or by “twin.” 🙂
Glad you posted, kwilson!
Singletons or non-identicals don’t understand that identicals (whether twins, triplets, whatever) often have a difficult time trying to establish individual identities because everyone around them looks at them (or refers to them) as a single unit or as interchangeable.
Also, it’s not helpful when parents/extended family members insist on dressing them the same when they’re too young to speak for themselves. (My clothes were always blue; my sister’s identical clothes were always red – to this day, we hate those respective colours).
Don’t get me wrong: I love my twin. I can’t imagine a relationship closer than ours (she’s married with kids; I’m a confirmed – childless – bachelorette). We both know that we have each other to count on, always and without reservation.
We’re now in our 50s, and we still have to deal with people being “spooked” by our sameness! When my sister’s husband lost his grandmother, I asked my sister if I should attend the funeral – she asked me not to, because her husband’s extended family would be sure to mistake me for her and it would make things very awkward. I understood completely and was actually relieved that I didn’t have to deal with such an uncomfortable situation.
That being said, being a twin to my wonderful sister is the greatest blessing in my life. But I would still never call her “Twinnie”!