We’re back to the “I’m SO pretty” chicks, who seem to be doing everything in slow motion. The one is shown with one of those dumb live flowers tucked in above one of her ears. Why do I hate that so much? I don’t know, but I do. If you live in Hawaii, maybe. It still annoys me, but still, I recognize there is a right there. Tourists in Hawaii? Still going to hit you with a definite no. But these two are from San Diego. Just makes her look like the self absorbed wannabe princess that she is. Makes me wish it was a flower off of a poison sumac plant or something and that her ear will fall off. Preferably before our very eyes.
Back to Art making his empanadas. What the hell with the name “Art” anyway? What a stupid name. You want your kid to get beat up? Name him Art. My guess is that he would not get any further than preschool before some kids in diapers had already thought to put an “F” in front of his name and coin him as the Fart that he is.
Camera is back on the Daisy Duke wannabe cousins. The cousin on the ground tasked with—GET THIS—“driving” just sat there giving herself a pep talk. “I can do this….I can DO this!” Um, your cousin is the one jumping out of a plane at 10,000 feet. You simply have to put the car in drive and hit the gas. Not really something that needs a pep talk once you turn seventeen, right? This chick is gonna be a real gem when the hard tasks come up later on.
We move over to her cousin, who is about to jump out of the plane. She’s musing about what would happen if her parachute doesn’t open. I wish someone would’ve given her the lowdown right in the plane. “Well you see, you will crash to the ground at 3,000 miles per hour. I figure you’ll probably land on your feet. Picture an accordion. It will be a pretty painful death for you as all of your internal organs smash into your feet and you turn to jelly. Closed casket for sure. But, hey, for those of us watching, it’ll be like an episode of Tom and Jerry. Good luck!” Wow that would be great. Instead, we’re stuck with some boring monologue about how she doesn’t want to jump but she is doing it for her kids to show them that they can do anything. Blah blah blah. Whatever. You went frickin’ skydiving, you didn’t cure cancer. Get some perspective already. Kind of made me want to have her crash land even more.
Maiya’s car gets stuck in the sand because apparently driving was a harder task than jumping out of the plane for this duo as well. Man, I hate when I get my hopes up that someone will get eliminated doing something stupid like this and some dumb local steps in like a Good Samaritan. Thanks a lot, pal. Wow, the one that jumped out of the plane, Misa I guess, is shown with that dumb flower behind her ear again. Did she seriously actually jump out of the plane, land on the ground and then immediately throw that stupid flower back over her ear? Really? That’s what’s on your mind right now? “Oooh, I better get my dumb flower back on my ear, I’m on CAMERA!” I already hate these two. The Maiya one has a total crater face too. Needs to get over the whole “I’m so pretty no one takes me seriously” stuff. Maybe Misa can pull that off, but not you, Craterface. Acne scars do not make for a supermodel, and unfortunately for you, we’ve got HDTVs.
Classic hick convo from Bopper and Mark. Bopper says it’s the first time he’s made a “piñata.” Mark says “Not a piñata….it’s an emp….emp….emp…well, call it whatever you want to…I don’t know.” Awesome. I am counting on this kind of talk all season. Hope these two stick around.
Uh oh, the fitness geeks are in trouble with these empanadas. Unfortunately their thumbs are about the same size as their heads and they totally suck at making the required distinctive crusts. This may take them two days to complete. Too bad the task wasn’t counting to one or maybe injecting their teammate’s butt with steroids or something. They’d have been all over that.
Wow, classic Amazing Race idiotic moment. Misa and Maiya are at the pit stop ahead of the Jersey Shore boys (I know they are not from Jersey but I will call them what I want). They proceed to explore the full grounds around where Phil and the pit stop mat are located. They actually go right by him without noticing he’s there. You see them passing by him with their dumb backpacks like two idiotic Dora the Explorer twins and then they fall over onto each other on the ground. In the meantime, the steroid twins check in. One of the stupidest things I’ve ever seen watching this show. Even Phil seemed to want to tell them how stupid they were once they finally make it to the mat. Unreal.
Anyway, here’s your pit stop check in order:
1. Big Forehead Rachel and Dave (Express pass)
2. Big Brother Rachel and Brendon
3. Art and JJ
4. Nary and Jamie
5. Vanessa and Ralph
6. Elliot and Andrew
7. Kerri and Stacey (who proceed to dance all over the place for being team 7).
8. Dave and Cherie
9. Bopper and Mark
10. Joey Fitness and Whatever the hell his partner’s name is
11. Maiya and Misa (eliminated). They go on about how they made a huge mistake and can’t believe it. That wasn’t a mistake, that was pure stupidity. You pretty much tripped over Phil and the pit stop mat and kept going. Wow, one of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen on this show.
Well, opening night is a wrap. I’m looking forward to a great season…see you all next week.
Written by:
Kim Wilson
Email: kwilson1101@gmail.com
Twitter: @kwilson111 (still nothing going on there. But thanks to those who are following me anyway!)
I was looking forward to reading your recap. But I have to admit. I don’t find it funny at all. I think it is just mean.
Yikes. maybe you should not wish people dead. I know you’re not being serious and just trying to be funny, but its a little bit distasteful. Hopefully the next recap isn’t as brutal 😉
Hmm… I used to check your blog cuz it was funny and real. C’mon… wishing death upon someone just for saying they will skydive for their kids? Calling a pretty young girl “crater face”. Not nice. Not funny. I’ll check again next week. Hopefully you’ll have your groove back!
Wow…..that was just a mean blog…..I thought you were a little harsh last season, but this one took it to another level. Wishing someone dead is not funny, and crosses the line. And, can’t you find ANYTHING likeable about the contestents? There are some good people there, but it seems as though you only look for the negative. I hope that your recaps become a bit more light-hearted and positive, as it is supposed to be entertainment!
I totally agree with the previous four posts. This recap was very mean spirited. Hopefully next week’s recap will be a lot more positive.
I was really looking forward to reading your blog too until I read it. Obviously, you won’t care what I write, but I think you need to be aware of how mean words can hurt people. Somewhere in the gene pool of my ancestors, there is a high forehead, which was generously passsed down to me. My entire life, I have tried hairstyle after hairstyle to try and cover it up. There are very few pictures of myself because I hate it. My adult children keep telling me that I worry too much about it, and it’s not a big deal…. they tell me that I’m pretty. Now just because I read your blog, I will feel bad about myself the rest of the day and realize that people like you really do look at me and laugh. I would hope and I would suggest that maybe you come up with another nickname for the woman on Amazing Race, to make fun of someone’s physical appearance, something they can’t change, is above being mean.
Wow! I didn’t even get past the first paragraph. Not funny and not well written. California ‘wine country’ is in Northern California. Napa and Sonoma. Have you never watched the Bachelor? The Amazing Race started in Santa Barbara, California and they traveled to Santa Barbara, Argentina.
I’m guessing Reality Steve isn’t going to be too thrilled with your recap……who pooped in your Cherrios, anyway?! Time to take a good look at yourself deary……
I really liked your take on Amazing Race. It was smart, witty, and definitely in the spirit of this site. Keep up the great work, I was greatly entertained!
Looks like Kim asked kmcmahon to write a nice comment because of all the negative ones…
Terrible recap. Very poor taste. Reality Steve should look long and hard at who is writing his blogs, lest he lose some traffic. A show like The Bachelor/Bachelorette is prime for the snarky comments because the fools who come on it are not really doing it for the reason the show claims (to find love). The Amazing Race is about winning a million bucks, period. And all the contestants wanna do that. Kim’s blog should not merely be trying to poke fun at the contestants, it should be witty, and it should be entertaining. If you can’t do that, don’t write.
And for the record, imagining you opening your door to injure cyclists is borderline sociopathic.
I thought the recap was funny. My advice to the people that didn’t like the recap…don’t take everything so serious. It was intended to have humour and it did. If there were no funny jokes and making fun of things, it would be pretty boring.
I actually just got around to watching the episode on wednesday, and was looking forward to the recap. However, I agree with the majority of the commenters, are you going to root for anyone or just hate on every team? I was looking forward to hating on “Brenchel” cuz they def deserve it, but damn.
I thought this recap was hilarious. It seems to me like people who don’t like it just shouldn’t read it. Just because this writer perhaps has a different style doesn’t make it wrong. I for one love the different take. And I’m sorry but if you sign up for any reality show, you are opening yourself up to commentary – of all types. Kim, I hope you don’t get discouraged by these comments!
Wow! What an incredibly mean spirited recap! Ya know what the funny thing is….you are just as stupid as you claim some of these contestants are. First of all, it is NOT Art jumping from the plane, it is JJ. So, if you had any clue and paid attention you would see that JJs name was said about 15 times by others on the plane! Secondly, did it ever dawn on you that the name Art is short for something? And the face you actually think its funny a child thunks he should die then you are simply a poor parent! And, if all you have to write about is adding a letter F to Art to make the word FART than your college education didn’t pay off well and you’re a complete moron! I give all teams credit, and you simply have big words and hide behind your computer!!!
People are taking the recap entirely too seriously. Calm down, she was joking. The replies are probably written by people that believe the bachelor is a love story. Yikes.
Did anyone notice that EVERY jumper fell to the ground when they landed. They were tandem jumping so the people they were with were obviously experienced jumpers. They should have instructed the contestants on how to land on your feet. Either the producers told them not to give instructions or the contestants can’t follow directions. Either way, it was hilarious to watch these people FAIL at skydiving.
This is the perfect show for Brenchel. There are no social skills required; it’s all about challenges. I don’t hope that they win, but I do think that they will put up a good fight.