THE AMAZING RACE – 10/9/11

We’re moved next to Liz and Marie on the bikes and one feels the need to declare “Twins on bicycles!” Uh huh. Please tell me if I were on this show I wouldn’t feel the need to make the ridiculous utterances these people seem to be compelled to say. I really think the editors want us to be annoyed with most of the people, otherwise why even show this stuff .

So we’re on to Bill and Cathi, with Cathi declaring “I LOVE bicycles!” Yeah, so do eight year olds, doesn’t mean they should be on The Amazing Race either. And did anyone catch what Bill needed assistance with on his bike? I couldn’t quite tell—seemed like the guy was fixing his bell or something. It was like he couldn’t move because he couldn’t figure out where to put his hand or the bell was upside down something. Weird. No clue what it had to do with pedaling.

Camera pans over to Justin and Jennifer. He’s talking about how it’s obvious they are volatile and that their goal is to move away from the negative and accentuate the positive from here on out. I think this is a mere foreshadowing edited in and that we can now count on them slitting each other’s throats by the show’s end. I must give Jennifer extra credit for careening out of control and crashing her bike into a local though. I love that kind of stuff. Especially as I am now patiently waiting for the scenes we saw in the previews last week where Cathi falls fifty times for our entertainment.

Moving on to Marcus and Amani. Marcus again feels the need to mention that he was in the NFL. For someone who started the show saying he wanted to keep a lid on it, he sure can’t shut up about it. I’m sure Marcus finds a way to weave in a mention that he used to play professional football within three sentences of meeting anyone. At the grocery store: “Paper or plastic, Sir?” “Well, you see, because I used to play in the NFL, I have to go with paper…” Nah, we don’t see that. What we see is if you were Troy Aikman or Peyton Manning you wouldn’t have to bring your NFL days up. People would just know. Do you really need me to finish my thought about why people automatically know those guys but no one knows who you are, Marcus?

And we could really do without the unnecessary self pep talks: “Once I was in a game down by 21 points and we came back and won. It’s not over ‘til it’s over.” Yeah, but most of the time in that scenario it is over. Take it from me, I’m an Eagles fan. Or was. I’m still working that one out. Honestly, after the Phillies ridiculous choke on Friday and the Eagles at 1-4 all happening in the same weekend, I pretty much figure someone in Philly will have a gun atop some building come tomorrow morning, with the purpose of just making himself feeling better.

Anyway, Ernie (who has established himself as a total geek, am I right?) had his pedal fell off his bike. Didn’t plan for that one huh Cindy? No bicycle repair courses to prep for the race? Haha, I loved when they start freaking out in pure panic as they get passed by all the other teams and an old lady with a walker. Sorry, had to throw that “Office Space” reference in. So Bill says “Can we go without the pedal?” Well, Bill, all I have to say is my five year old son’s pedal fell off his big wheel pretty much right after we put it together (yeah, because we put it together) and he still rides it using only the metal bar that’s left there and there isn’t a million bucks at the end of the street waiting for him. Just get the F on the bike and ride, Ernie. Or saw that other leg off if it’s in the way. Love how they get all delayed and bypassed by every other team and here these bike “mechanics” essentially just tie the pedal back on with dental floss or something. Yeah, that’s gonna hold. It took 20 minutes to think of that brainy idea? They would’ve been better off just tying his freaking foot to the spot where the pedal used to be.

As a little aside, not sure if I’m the only one, but I’m personally glad when they show the local life and I can thank God that my life kind of sucks, but at least I still don’t live in [insert in the blank so-and-so sh*tty country] doing [insert sh*tty job description]. Add Indonesia to my list of “Thank God I don’t live here.” They have some poor guy that looks like he’s twenty years beyond retirement age standing in muddy water (and could be water full of turds for all we know) skimming the surface for who knows what. I’m hoping not brown rice. I may never eat that again. Anyway, I was thankful for my crap job for five seconds.