Chuck and Winona are in last place trying to get their tickets to Tahiti, from where they’ll then fly on to New Zealand. Unfortunately for Chuck, he distracts the clerk by telling her to move faster and she looks up and sees his hair. It may as well have been a unicorn she’s looking at because once she sees it, she just can’t stop staring at that hair. He should’ve just shut up and let her get to work. I guess it’s not a big surprise that a clerk in the South Pacific has not yet seen a mullet. Walmart must not have made its way over there yet. I don’t think there’s a Walmart out there without some kind of mullet walking around at any given time.
The teams next make it to Tahiti. Dave has finally made it to a doctor, but it’s bad news. He does have a small Achilles tendon tear. He tries to decide between quitting or just slapping some duct tape on there and getting moving. Tough call. The country girls tell them: “We’re so sorry this happened to you!” but everyone’s sitting there smiling. Let’s face it, they are all thrilled that their chances of winning just jumped up a little. Nothing like someone else’s downfall to cheer us up, huh?
Chuck and Winona are at the airport in Tahiti, upset about waiting in the long ticket lines. Some real helpful person clues them into using the airport phones to book tickets instead. They chuckle about how stupid everyone else is for waiting in the lines instead of using the phones. Well apparently, the phone agents are morons or something because they end up on the last flight, completely alone. They quickly realize the phone wasn’t such a great idea because no teams are left at the airport, even the ones in wheelchairs.
The teams finally arrive in New Zealand. The country chicks and hockey guys are like dating or something on this race. That’s a great recipe for trying to win something: get distracted by a budding relationship. Smart move, guys. The girls go on and on about how they just like Bates and Anthony SOOO much and how nice it is to have friends on the Race. Of course, all this BS is code for “Missing teeth make us hot.” At this rate, we’ll be having to see those goofy Ford Focuses rocking around with the windows all fogged up.
The teams arrive at their first location in New Zealand, but they have to wait until morning to set off. There are a bunch of tents lying around. Great, I wonder if the hockey guys and country chicks can manage not to turn this into a slumber party. Winona and Chuck FINALLY make it to the location, probably about eight hours after everyone else and Winona is all upset that they have to wait until 7am to start. Uh, Winona, do you have any clue how lucky you are? You arrived by Pony Express fifteen hours late and have virtually been saved by the fact that the other teams have been just lying around. Get a clue. At least she’s right at home in that tent. Hang a couple of ‘coon cadavers on the tent walls and it’s Sweet Home Alabama.
Next, the teams set off and reach the Detour. It’s a choice between “Rev it Up” or “Reel it in.” In “Rev,” each teammate has to drive a “vintage” (a/k/a “crap”) car and basically race through cones in less than 83 seconds. With “Reel,” the teams have to catch one fish that is at least 12 inches long. Seemed like a tough one, because you could totally see someone sitting there all day fishing and catching nothing. That’s sure what happens in the ponds around here.
Dave and Connor drive all the way over to “Rev” and realize the car is a stick shift and that Dave can’t drive a clutch with his left leg issue. They have to go all the way back for “Reel.” Sucks. Then they goof around for what seems like only a little while with the fish and give up and decide to use the Express Pass. If anyone should’ve tried to saved that thing a tad bit longer, it’s probably these two. But whatever. It was burning a hole in their collective pockets and they used it right away and headed for the next task.
Max really sucked at “Rev.” He was too busy fishtailing on purpose like some moron in the snow that he and Katie kept hitting like 500 seconds. Plus, he kept running over the cones, which were only about a football field apart. What a moron. Even Katie told him he sucked.
Those roller derby girls must’ve cost the Race a crap car because they totally burned the engine out in their car. Those two kept that car in first gear the whole time and I’m just surprised it wasn’t a flaming fireball by the time they hit the finish line. Made me wonder whether Dave should’ve just done the same thing and just never switched gears.
Back to Chuck and Winona at the feeshin’ hole (haha, could not resist), who both catch their fish rather quickly. I’m guessing this is probably a typical Saturday night for these two. Glad we got to see them fishing instead of having to endure them hacking a pig to pieces or something because they need a new head for the wall in their outhouse.
The teams next hit the Road Block, which seems to be a task that my boys would freaking love. The teams have to race around a muddy, sticky, disgusting obstacle course while collecting and delivering eggs.
Hilarious recap Kim. Resident cartoon character…ha ha… your description of him made me burst out laughing.
Awesome recap. You really had me laughing!