On to Lexi, our resident idiot cheerleader, who reads the tubing clue and says “Oh my gosh, I’m eating frog intestines!” I guess the UT will be proud that one of its grads–a female no less–thinks that intestines and female reproductive parts are one and the same. Guess they don’t dissect frogs in Texas in fourth grade. That’s one big F for Lexi in Anatomy 101. I figure some of those professors over at the UT had to have decided to just f’ing pass her so they could stop hearing all those Yeeee Hawws already.
After the frog eating task, the teams are given a clue to find a lady using an abacus. Anyone not get the setup CBS was placing here? Cast some dummies who will have no clue what an abacus is, or even how to pronounce it, and then send them off to try to find one for a couple of laughs. Abby reads the clue and declares “I know what an abacus is! Let’s go!” Someone please get Abby a gold star. That’s basic knowledge, Einstein. After they are looking for the lady for awhile, Abby’s lover boy Mr. Jujitsu asks: “We’re looking for a lady using an abacus? Why isn’t she just using a calculator?“ What a supreme a-hole. Anyone else think that he was trying to prove to Abby that he knew what an abacus was before they found the lady? My guess is that he had a light bulb moment (very necessary when you’ve had one too many roundhouse kicks to the head) and finally realized what an abacus was. I’m rooting against this jerk for sure.
In a surprising twist, the Chippendale twins don’t know what the hell an abacus is. Actually, it wasn’t surprising at all. These two dunces run around basically chasing their tails and looking for other teams because they have no clue. It’s pretty bad when two morons have to follow two hot blondes to find out what an abacus is. Unfortunately, they follow them to the pit stop instead of the actual abacus and almost get run over by a bus in the process. Wouldn’t have minded seeing that at all.
Abba and James #3 don’t seem to be geniuses either in the abacus department. They go into a jewelry store to ask the clerk if he has one. Uh, what exactly led you THERE? You almost could see the bubble cloud above the clerk’s head saying “Idiots!”
We’re back to Urine Head, who is also looking for the abacus. Actually, not THE abacus. He asks the twins if they found the lady “Abacus” yet. He seriously thought the lady’s name was Abacus. Wow. I guess now we know that Sun In is really, really bad for your brain. It clearly seeped into his head and destroyed all the brain cells that may or may not have been there in the first place.
On the “not much better” front, Rob says they need to search for a woman using an “A-BASK-US.” Did not expect to find out that the Jameses are actually smarter than someone. At least they could pronounce the word. Anyway, Rob and Sheila must be soul mates because she says “We’re looking for a lady with an “AL-BA-COSS.” I wonder if she ever found that damn bird.
I guess in an attempt to build drama, CBS led up to crowning the champion for the dumbest in the abacus department. Annnnndddd, here’s Lexi! Lexi pronounces it “OC-U-PUS.” Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner. I think this chick was ready to search the bottom of the ocean for this lady. What a great advertisement for UT she is. That poor school. They don’t deserve this embarrassment.
The teams finally find the lady with the Ocupus, who was apparently hanging out with The Little Mermaid, and she gives them the clue to the first pit stop.
Do Abby or Ryan have any problem running a chick with two metal legs over in a foot race for 2 mill? We sure found out tonight. The answer is: NO.
Pit stop order:
1. Abby and Ryan (Steamrolled the chick with no legs to get to the pit stop and then went on and on about how A-MAY-ZING she was and how they had to run her over because she’s stiff competition. Spare us the explanation, jerks).
2. Amy and Daniel
3. Caitlin and Brittany
4. Natalie and Nadiya
5. Rob and Kelley (Does his beard keep changing color like a mood ring?)
6. James and Abba
7. Josh and Brent
8. Gary and Will
9. Trey and Lexi
10. Jaymes and James (One says: “Please tell us we are team #10, Phil?! Huh? Huh?” Okay, dummies, you saw there was a team right behind you and there are only 11 teams. That pretty much means you can’t be the one eliminated, right? 2+2 guys.)
11. Rob and Sheila (Eliminated). Goodbye ALBACOSS!
Looks to be the start of a great season. See you next week!
Written by:
Kim Wilson
Email: kwilson1101@gmail.com
Twitter: kwilson111