AMAZING RACE FINALE – 5/7/12

Well, here goes. Teams are off to Honolulu. Lucky them. Wish it was me. Anyway,
Rachel and Dave are off first again. They’ve already won seven legs of the Race, which really is pretty amazing. Art and JJ are off next, followed by Brendon and Rachel. Of course, the departure times didn’t matter because everyone ends up on the same flight to Hawaii. One of the racers is in a god-awful green sequin bodysuit. Can you guess who?

The racers land and the stress really sets in. Art and JJ pretty much decide not to bother even reading the clue and just hop a taxi, completely relying on following Rachel and Dave. Isn’t that counter to their whole “Don’t follow us!” thing? Again, it’s fine when they do it, but criminal when anyone else does. Anyway, Dave and Rachel’s driver give them the slip and Art and JJ are seriously lost. Some moron they ask makes things even worse for them when he assures them that the clue is describing some dumb statue of a boogie board instead of the skyscrapers they are meant to find.

The racers reach the first task and had to basically climb up a skyscraper and then rappel back down face first. Looked pretty awful. Dave and Rachel seemed to have a big lead ahead of the other two teams afterward. Art and JJ were way behind.

The teams hit the infamous Road block. It required actually shaving ice and filling up a bucket. Awesome. That actor from “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” is also there for some strange reason. Love that movie. Poor guy though, no clue what his name is, and this show didn’t help that any.

Dave and Rachel are done first and almost take a taxi, though the clue says to go on foot. Rachel told Dave they had to go on foot, not that he would notice that she helped him from screwing up or anything. Of course, Dave has to let the helicopter pilot know that “I’m an aviator myself.” I’m sure he cares about as much as we do, Dave.

Well, Rachel and Brendon majorly screw up and take a taxi even though she clearly read the clue that they had to go on foot. Dumb. That’s going to be an expensive mistake.

Dave and Rachel hit the next task where they had to use a wave runner to “rescue” a swimmer. They finish first, followed by Art and JJ. Dave and Rachel seemed to be majorly in the lead because they finished before Art and JJ were even there. Brendon and Rachel finally show up.

This is where I (and I’m sure everyone else) realized that Dave and Rachel had apparently screwed something up. They come upon a sign that says they should paddle board across a fish pond. Next, the camera pans to Art and JJ, who happen upon some kind of sled task. Even though Art and JJ happened upon the sled second, the screen said they were in first place. I knew this wasn’t the detour, so I was wondering what was going on. Of course, then Rachel and Dave are shown immediately running up to the pit stop, too early in the show, with absolutely zero fanfare beforehand. Phil tells Rachel and Dave that they didn’t do the roadblock and had to go back and complete it. I was really thinking that they had blown this one. I mean, they had to paddle all the way back to the Roadblock, complete it, and paddle all the way back to the pit stop. What were the chances they’d finish first after that?

Had to laugh when Dave and Rachel were running up the mud trail that Art and JJ took toward the sled task when Dave yelled “Look! There are fresh tracks!” Yeah, as if you can tell when those were left. Obviously, you’re all there the same day, dummy. He was acting as if he could tell the tracks were just left five minutes before or something.

The sled task (the Roadblock) involved oiling up some kind of skinny sled, sledding down a large hill on the stomach and then rolling some rock into a crappy looking paper goal. Phil made it sound much more interesting, talking of local legend, the rock being lava, the history of the sled thing–but seriously, who cares. Anyway, JJ declared that he’s more athletic than Art and should’ve done this task. A million dollars said he was right about that one. Art blunders this one pretty badly. I’m sorry, but with a million on the line, I would’ve found a way to get my ass down the hill on that sled. Had to amputate my legs? Oh well.

I thought JJ was going to give birth with all the stress of Art sucking at this task. Then, after Rachel and Dave showed up and the realization hit him that he and Art were in first place before Art attempted the sled ride 700 times, he was literally beside himself. Rachel screws up once or twice, but then sticks to that sled like glue. Then she manages to get that lava puck in the goal fairly quickly. At that point, we all saw the writing on the wall because these two already knew exactly where they were going and had already gotten the knack of the paddle boards. When Rachel and Brendon show up, JJ knows for sure that they were in first place and that the million was theirs to lose. Unfortunately, Art was like a freaking rhino trying to ride on that skinny sled. He finally finished while Rachel was still trying to put the rock in the goal. All this was just a formality at this point because Rachel and Dave were so far ahead toward the pit stop.

Pit stop order:
1. Rachel and Dave (Winners and set a new record for number of legs won at 8).
2. Art and JJ
3. Brendon and Rachel (PLEASE CBS… let this be their last appearance).

Thanks everyone for a great season!

Written by: Kim Wilson
Email: kwilson1101ATgmail.com
Twitter: @kwilson111