Next, we see footage of Vanessa after she wiped out on the road. I was disappointed. The damn cameraman was about a second too late and we really didn’t get to see how it happened. Just kind of saw the aftermath of her face planting onto the street and sunglasses flying. I would’ve preferred a full speed version of the event followed by a slow motion version, followed by an instant replay in full speed. They only show it once, full speed, and had been neglectful about the beginning of the fall— getting the footage of her leg buckling or the banana peel lying on the road in her path or whatever. I always enjoy a good fall. Anyway, Vanessa was totally overdramatic about the whole thing. She’s literally screaming in pain as if she has a bone sticking out of the side of her leg. After all that drama settled down, we find out she pretty much just twisted her ankle. Nice. Thanks for that waste of time. Basically, she just make a huge fuss about being injured because she made an ass out of herself by falling in the street. Then Vanessa says that people see her big hair, big boobs and big eyes and think “Bimbo” but that she’s so much tougher than that. Yeah, you’re tough. You just tripped over your own feet, Vanessa. Not all that tough, huh?
The teams start reaching the Detour: Pachyderm (Giant Forehead Rachel said PACHEE-derm by the way) or Pack a Box. Pachyderm is a task where the teams decorate an elephant with jewelry or whatever and then shovel it’s poo and transport it. Weird combo within one task, if you ask me. Pack a Box involved packing, shipping and transporting raw ginger. Only Art and JJ decide to work with the ginger.
Mark and Bopper finally arrive at their Speed Bump. Wow, they are really far behind. They have to paint a picture of a tiger on a guy’s chest and stomach. I found it pretty weird because the eyes were located around the nipples. It was just weird seeing these Kentucky guys painting black circles around another guy’s nipples. Anyway, they are out of there relatively quickly.
Back to Rachel and Dave at the elephant task. Now we’ve got her saying BAMbooms and PACHEEderm. She doesn’t seem like a dummy, but she must be. She climbs up on the elephant and says how awesome and cool it is. Dave responds, “Pay attention!” like a total douchebag. He is such a jerk during every portion of each leg, barking at Rachel constantly. Then, when they come in first place he is all lovey dovey with her. I am actually starting to feel sorry for GF. He’s a real dick.
AND…we’re back to Art and JJ obsessing over the Fast Forward again. We’re treated to a rambling soliloquy to the effect of: “No one has the balls to do the Fast Forward …You have a free pass to the end and you don’t even want to cut your hair? For a million dollars? Why are you even here??? You don’t belong here!” I am no Rachel fan, but I don’t think guys get how long it takes to grow out hair. Art with his 1 inch hair just doesn’t get it. I get where he’s coming from but honestly, you’re not going to find many chicks willing to cut their hair off. Yeah, Britney did it, but wasn’t she trying to cover up her drug use by preventing a hair follicle test? 99 times out of 100, you are not going to get a female to go bald without a guarantee of a million dollars. Anyway, get over the Fast Forward already. Your whining is getting old, pal.
Back to Rachel and Brendan at the elephant poop shoveling task. Rachel says “Holy manure!” Yeah, totally unfunny. I was kind of hoping she had face planted right into the pile. That would’ve been fun. Then Brendan annoyed me by talking about moving the “dung.” Last I checked, he hasn’t mastered in Zoology or anything. It’s elephant sh*t. Just say so.
Mark and Bopper decide to go to the Fast Forward. I really think production may have tipped them off, but that’s just me. Bopper said something about “there’s no way Rachel did this.” How did he know that Rachel went to the Fast Forward? Rachel and Brendan left second. Unless he meant Dave’s Rachel, which I highly doubt. Anyway, it was funny with Mark’s head already being shaved to be at a “shave your head” task. Would’ve been funny to me if Bopper’s head was already shaved too. I wonder how they would’ve handled that one? Would it have counted as having done the task? I guess so, since they allowed Mark to have his already shaved head “shaved” again. They never really showed what they did with Mark’s head. I was really hoping for Mark and Bopper to beat Art and JJ to the pit stop after having to suffer through all that whining about the Fast Forward, but no such luck. I could only imagine the theatrics at the pit stop if Art and JJ had been eliminated because Mark and Bopper finished the Fast Forward. I figure it would be some yelling of “Stupid! Stupid!” along with punching themselves in their own faces or something.
Pit stop order:
1. Rachel and Dave
2. Brendan and Rachel
3. Vanessa and Ralph
4. Art and JJ (he WAS crying, by the way)
5. Bopper and Mark (Eliminated)
Previews –Rachel finally tells Dave the F off. He says “Silence is golden” and she responds, “So why don’t you shut the f*ck up!” Awesome. Maybe they are just teasing us, but looks like there’s going to be some drama involving the first team to check in for the million. Seems like someone is going to check in first but then get rejected for not completing a task. Hopefully it will be an interesting finale. See you then!
Written by: Kim Wilson
Email: kwilson1101ATgmail.com
Twitter: @kwilson111
Hallelujah! I’ve been waiting for you to write about what a douchelord Dave is!!!! My husband has had to stop watching the show altogether b/c that guy is such an ASS. I feel really sorry for Rachel and, honestly, I kind of worry about her if they don’t win. He’s very cutting. Scary dude.
Dave probably isn’t a big of an ass as you think. It’s probably the military man coming out in him. That’s likely how he acts while working. Don’t read too much into it! You see how he acts once the stress is off.