Random thoughts at this point in the show: (1) Is there really a need for CBS to show racers yelling at their taxi drivers “Fast! Fast!” 12,000 times per season? (2) Rachel should not be wearing those Kelly green spandex shorts; (3) Bopper can’t tell the difference between tigers and zebras; (4) when a plane carrying Brendon and Rachel and Art and JJ passes over the opening of a volcano, it is simply not fair that the plane fails to crash; and (5) JJ’s should not have referenced how he is glad he has had all of his kids already during the biking sequence. We do not want to think about your crotch, thank you.
Just another aside: I love how Art and JJ whine incessantly about Brendon and Rachel following their taxis and listening to their flight plans and yet had no problem telling their own driver to follow Brendon and Rachel’s.
And, we’re at the Detour. The teams choose between “Courtship” – biking to a village and jumping for a minute. (Anyone else find the whole “jumping for a minute” thing to be a useless part of the “challenge?” Maybe if you had a racer in a wheelchair or something it would have been a challenge for someone, otherwise, not so much). Or, the racers choose “Marksmanship” – shooting terracotta rabbits on a moving target or something.
Art attempts to wow us with a declaration that he is not just a border patrol agent but also a “semi pro law enforcement football team quarterback.” Yeah, you’re a regular Troy Aikman, pal. He alludes to the fact that this task should therefore be easy for him. Usually fatal last words and they kind of were. He totally sucks at it and is basically no better than any of the girls. Well, probably better than our resident Giant Forehead. She all but threw backwards and killed someone. In embarrassment, Art says he’s better at “shooting stuff.” Yes, Art, and so is Jamie. Well, she’s better at shooting herself anyway. Kind of a dumb move yet again for our federal agents. Trying to throw everyone off their agent scent again, yet they choose the “marksmanship” task. Dumb, because they think they will be good at it. Wouldn’t that be a bit of a giveaway? Luckily, they weren’t any good at it either.
Another aside: Seeing JJ riding a bike right next to Brendon made me wish you’d see some sabotage in this Race. For example, JJ’s leg kicks out sideways and blows Brendon right off his bike. Or sends him hurtling off into the distance at 100 miles per hour, preferably off of a cliff. Would this not liven things up? What are those signed releases for anyway?
Well, no more “Cheese and crackers!” from Vanessa. Apparently, sucking on a bike coupled with a bunch of embarrassing wrecks and she’s swearing like a sailor. Well, a pretty conservative sailor. We only got an “SOB” out of her when she face-planted on a grassy bank. She totally sucked on those bikes.
The last task before the Pit Stop is “Pitch Tent.” This basically consisted of unloading camping supplies and setting up a campsite. JJ and Art find out their driver went the opposite direction of the task and they freak out. Once again, they mention that they were in FIRST PLACE until this dumb driver took over. Of course you were. Back to Brendon and Rachel: We hear how smart Rachel is yet again. Brendon tells her to hold a pole and she responds that “It’s holded.” My spell check is blown away right now and so am I. How dumb can you be? My spell check must’ve made me click “Are you frickin’ SURE?” about three times to keep the word “holded” in here.
The camera next pans over to GF and Dave fighting which was actually pretty awesome. They are back and forth with the “YOU SUCK!” type barbs. GF yells at Dave to “Hold this!” and Dave responds, “Sure, because I have 8 hands.” I actually think I said that same thing to my husband this very week. How coincidental. I like the way these two fight. At one point, I thought Dave was going to throw one of those poles like a javelin and impale GF right in the chest. No such luck, though.
And, at the end, we see pure agony for JJ and Art: the realization set in that they would not come in first OR SECOND place this week. Also, they had no excuse about not being able to do the Fast Forward again to fall back on. So much for the frontrunners.
Pit stop finish order:
1. Rachel and Dave
2. Bopper and Mark (I would LOVE for these two to win…is that even possible?)
3. Art and JJ
4. Brendon and Rachel (You can totally tell Phil thinks they are a-holes when he asks about the petty fighting. The look on his face was pure disgust.)
5. Vanessa and Ralph
6. Nary and Jamie (Non-elimination leg. Yay. Their “Let’s come in last and throw everyone off!” strategy is apparently still in full effect.)
See you next week!
Written by: Kim Wilson
Email: kwilson1101@gmail.com
Twitter: @kwilson111
I also would love for Mark and Bopper to win…I love them and we all know they really need the money…used to like the Border Patrol guys but after this episode I hate them just as much as I hate the Divorcees…really hoping neither of them win…by the way…I love your recaps…thanks for doing this Kim.
It blows my mind that someone as stupid as Rachel Reilly actually has a B.S. in Chemistry. She must have taken as few English courses as possible and spent all her time in the lab, or she’s faking all the stupidity. The pole is ‘holded’? She confuses Bolivia with Bermuda? She has no idea what a ‘beard’ is? And whining like a 12 year old brat all the time? I honestly do not understand what Brendon and Rachel see in each other.