AMAZING RACE – 3/19/12

Week Five! Those of you who also watched last season of The Amazing Race can probably remember my least favorite couple, (who won the million…of course) Ernie and Cindy. There’s a link to an article about their wedding—believe it or not, Ernie plans to end—I mean spend–his life with Cindy. The pictures were as barfy as expected. Apparently, according to People, these two had “a travel theme, with passports for programs, a departure board telling dinner guests where to sit and menu cards that looked like telegrams in vintage envelopes.” Is it me or is the quest to have a unique wedding getting totally ridiculous and annoying? “The THEME of our wedding is World Traveler….” Warrants a punch in the face to me. I would NOT have wanted to be one of Cindy’s bridesmaids. But what literally takes the cake is that they had a cake that was supposed to mimic Cindy and Ernie on the Amazing Race, with two little figures on top even equipped with little backpacks. If you’re feeling nauseous and looking for a way to put yourself over the edge to just throw up already, go ahead and check it out.

http://www.people.com/people/gallery/0,,20579308,00.html#21134694

Anyway, hoping that’s the last time I have to ever see those two. Even if they were to eventually divorce, I am confident no one will remember them enough for it to make “news” again. If you can call tabloid sites “news.” I’d venture to say that photos of their wedding made People.com because apparently the only other things going on right now in the “celebrity” world is an article about why Bronson Pinchot left acting after playing Balki and an explanation for why Ashley Judd’s face is “puffy.” Seriously. Totally interesting stuff. Who exactly is on the edge of their seat wondering about what became of Balki and why Ashley Judd is bloated? Explains why Ernie and Cindy’s wedding made the website, anyway.

On to this week’s show. Art & JJ off first again. They get the news that they are going by train to Bavaria. The border agents start rattling on about how they are so successful because they aren’t afraid to let each other know the other is an idiot when he screws up. Apparently they think that the husband and wife or boyfriend/girlfriend teams are afraid to let each other know they are idiots. To me, the fact we’re stuck watching constant bickering between the couples week after week kind of shoots the agents’ theory down a little. These couples are not only not afraid to tell the other that they suck, they pretty much do it every chance they get. For example, take any scene where the boyfriend bypasses the street he’s supposed to turn onto. The girlfriend does everything but slap him on the back of the head like Moe would Curly. Then we’re treated to the boyfriend basically calling his girl a frigging moron because she can’t read a map. EVERY WEEK. Gotta say, don’t think the agents are right on this one. I think there are insults to go around no matter what kind of team you are. It’s just the stress of the race bringing out the worst in people, which is what makes the show so interesting.

So we’re given a little insight into why Ralph, who looks to be a juicehead along the lines of the Jersey Shore, is single. Apparently he has been married THREE times already. I looked at his bio, expecting him to be at least 55 years old with that track record. Nope, he’s 36. Even Elizabeth Taylor probably hadn’t married so many times at that point in life. Ralph lists his favorite hobbies as “cooking, reading and exercising.” Think he should add “marrying” in there somewhere. And what a shock that he likes to exercise. This guy has gym rat written all over him. He’s probably doing squats and flexing in front of the mirror yelling “YEAH!!” at 3:00am while the rest of the world is sleeping. As if it’s a surprise, he says that “The Rock” reminds him the most of himself. Yeah, okay. You have ‘roids in common, so congratulations. Until you start making crap movies too, unfortunately for now, the comparisons will have to end there.