Vanessa and Ralph were particularly annoying in the rappel task. Those two must’ve called each other “baby” back and forth 500 times during the task. It’s always with that lilt of annoyance with each other in their voices too. “Baby, are you moving…I’m moving, Baby…. You need to be quicker, Baby…Baby, I’m coming down…Baby, You’re going to have to do it all over.” Ugh, how annoying that was. I guess what’s most annoying is that they are saying “Baby” but seem to want to be saying “Hey, Assh*le” instead.
Back to JJ and Art, they seem to suck at this landing a toy helicopter thing for awhile. They do eventually finish though, and it looks like they will be finishing in first place again this week.
Looks like the Southerners finally made it to Italy. Bopper calls the rappel building the Lin-GUIDO building. Nice. Even racial slurs sound kind of cute and nice coming of the mouths of these two.
Brendon and Rachel are shown next, clearly wanting to prove to us what a mature relationship they have. Yeah, not really. Rachel starts melting down because Brendon was nasty in the car while trying to use the auto park feature on the Focus. “You have no right to talk to me that way!” and a bunch of other nagging and crying. Isn’t that the point of the auto park feature? So that you don’t have to fight from the stress of trying to parallel park? Apparently not, because these two are back and forth with the high school bickering.
Mark and Bopper are in a taxi discussing Quantum Physics. Ah, actually just the opposite. CBS has twangy music in the background while Mark discusses the Italian people. “My God, they don’t speak no English either, my brother.” Then he says “Gracias” to a guy who helped him with directions. It’s actually “Grazie,” but hey, considering the source, it was close enough.
For all of you who had money down on it, it surprisingly took four full episodes before Brendon brags about his education. It’s usually four minutes, so either editing spared us until now or he really took this long to bore us. He goes on about having a Bachelor’s in ___ Physics, a Master’s in ____ Physics and that he is earning his PhD in Some Other Kind of Physics as well. I was too bored to take note. Makes education look bad. It’s like you’ve got all these degrees and yet you’re still a complete moron assh*le. Impressive. We really get to see those smarts later on when he can’t even tell one salami from another.
The smart act continues as we see Brendon and Rachel taking forever fighting in the street over whether to just quit the show or not. Brendon notes that they’ve hit a brick wall in this entire experience. Rachel, who will not miss any opportunity to be dramatic and veer everything back to their “relationship,” says “and a brick wall with our marriage!” Then she starts nagging with the “maybe it’s because of the way you talk to me…You yell and be mean to me!” I seriously think the only thing that was missing from this scene was their holding high school textbooks in their arms with a row of lockers behind them. You’re just waiting for Rachel to yell at Brendon “WHAT ABOUT PROM????!!!” and then storm off to Algebra class.
However, in a sudden burst of apparent rationality, Rachel finally says that they should try to find the building on the coin and “stop making fools of ourselves.” Thank you! But, ah, it wasn’t to last. Brendon asks where she thinks the building is located and she snippily spits out: “Obviously, I don’t know, Brendon…I don’t live in Italy.” Annnnnnd, just like that, we’re back to high school. I think Italy’s seen enough. These two aren’t ever getting back in to that country.
Nary and Jamie seem to want to test the airbags on these Ford Focus cars. Nary is showing Jamie the building on the coin while Jamie’s driving. Great move. We may get to see a nice car crash and fireball yet.
Dang, that Joey Fitness and Danny are total horndogs. They started the show ogling the Paraguay ladies. Now, they are propositioning an ugly chick running the elevator. More side effects of roid rage, I guess.
Could it be that we’ve only just gotten to the detour? Anyway, it’s a choice of cleaning a statue with a pressure washer or pinpointing 14 salamis by look and taste.
And the Rachel drama-fest continues. Brendon asks why they even came on the Race and she wails about as fake as she could possibly sound: “Because I wanted to go on a trip with my best frienddddddd!!!” Wah, wah, wah with total crocodile tears. Please don’t ever let us have to see these two losers again after they are eliminated.
Brendon tries to make it up to Rachel by calling Vanessa and Ralph “The ogre and the triflin’ ho.” He thinks they are rude and disgusting people. Yeah, they are totally disgusting compared to the two of you. Right.
Ford kind of screwed up on this Focus thing because it was pretty obvious the car didn’t have navigation at all. No one seemed to have any clue where they were going in this car. I’d rather have navigation in a foreign country than a car that will parallel park itself, but hey, that’s just me. Bad move, Ford.
We’re back to Mark and Bopper, who don’t seem all that far behind, surprisingly. Anyway, Bopper yells out “We done good!” after they successfully finish the rappel task. Not sure if it’s me or the fact I’m always stuck watching these movies, but he totally sounded just like Mater from the “Cars” movies. If that annoying Cable Guy ever bites it, they totally have a replacement in Bopper.
At first, I was thinking that maybe CBS was just innocently allowing certain double entendre into the show when Dave said that he and GF weren’t going for the salami task because it was “just too much meat for them.” But there was no doubt about it when Kerri or Stacy (still don’t care which one is which) tells the guy behind the meat counter: “Hi, We need to taste your salami.” This guy must speak some English because he definitely looked at the camera with his eyebrows raised.
Things were finally looking up on the show when Rachel got so upset she volunteered to jump in front of a car. She’s definitely got things in perspective here. She can’t figure out all the different salami tastes on a task on a reality show, and even though she’s already won a half million dollars on another, she’s ready to take her own life. Awesome. More whining and wailing: “Amazing Race is supposed to be fun and good…This is like Big Brother again!!!….wah wah wah.” And all this in front of those nice poor Italian ladies at the salami stand. You can just hear these Italians thinking “Ohhhh…NOW I get it…these are those two A-holes from Big Brother.“
We have to suffer with yet another pseudo-make up scene. Brendon, talking to Rachel like the four year old she is emotionally asks “What happens when best friends fight?” Rachel wails “They make up.” Oh, PLEASE let this torture end. I pray these two won’t be able to procreate. Is sterilization really wrong in ALL scenarios? There must be something out there to prevent this sort of thing, right? Not looking forward to the real life reenactment of Rosemary’s Baby that would have to result from a genetic product of these two.
Pit stop:
1. JJ and Art (fast forwarded right to pit stop)
2. Rachel and Dave
3. Joey Fitness and Danny
4. Vanessa and Ralph
5. Nary and Jamie
6. Brendon and Rachel (dammit)
7. Kerri and Stacy
8. Bopper and Mark (non-elimination leg). I must say it’s nice that JJ and Art wanted to split their $10,000 with these two. Phil should’ve told them it was a non-elimination leg though. They probably wouldn’t have given their cash away so quickly.
See you next week!
Written by: Kim Wilson
Email: kwilson1101ATgmail.com
Twitter: @kwilson111
Am I the only one who was hoping (ok, I was darn near begging) for BB Rachel’s rappelling rope to snap and cause her to fall into a crumpled heap at the bottom of that spiral whatever it was? There’s never been a more annoying person in the history of television than Rachel.
The only reason Brendan can be sticking with her is for the occasional 5 minutes of reality show fame. Otherwise he would have slit her throat a long time ago. I know I would have, and I can put up with a lot of crap. Her? She would have been toast within 10 minutes with me.
K, maybe I better read the blog next time before commenting….lol. Glad you also think Rachel needed to take the fast elevator to the bottom without a parachute. Friggin’ annoying bitch… Here’s hoping she comes across a mafia boss who doesn’t like the way she dresses. Or better yet, since they’re currently in Turin, lets wrap her in a shroud and stuff her into a cave for the scientists to discover in 2000 years. I can already hear them asking why such an ugly f’ing person was wrapped in a shroud like Jesus. Its no way to abuse such an expensive shroud.
No one is commenting on Vanessa’s comment about “not having that much sausage since high school”? OMG! And BB Rachel needs to be gone!