AMAZING RACE – 3/5/12

Flight number two has apparently arrived in Paraguay because we next get a nice shot of Big Brother Rachel’s enormous boobs almost hitting her in the face while running. I think Rachel must’ve used part of that $500,000 Big Brother prize money to get even bigger implants. For a second, I thought we were back at the watermelon challenge, but it was actually just Rachel running through the airport.

Oh good, we get to watch Dave and and GF fighting and bickering amongst the watermelons. Unless one of them sends a watermelon flying at the other one’s head at some point, please spare us the drama. Listening to these two bicker is not fun. I was kind of pissed off because the title of the show made it sound like someone would hit someone in the head with one of the melons. Damn, what a disappointment that was. Anyway, Dave apparently survived Iraq only to come home and have to stare at a large forehead resembling a drive thru movie screen and probably to listen to bitching about leaving the toilet seat up. You’re stacking watermelons guys, try to put it all in perspective, okay?

I was sitting there hoping that someone’s watermelon pyramid would come crashing down when someone was almost done and it was like an answered prayer. Pretty much everyone’s came crashing down right at the moment I had the thought. Wow, that really sucked because you basically have to dismantle the whole mess and start all over. Dave and GF seem to be wanting to switch detours over it. She goes on about how she hasn’t even seen the other teams yet so they better switch. She does comprehend that her flight left two hours prior to those other teams that she hasn’t seen yet, right? The paranoia of this chick is unreal in this episode. It’s like she thought that that second flight rocketed at the speed of light over to Paraguay and that every one of those teams were already at the other challenge. You’ve got a two hour lead. All they’ve done at that point was slide down the slides, find the clue and stack the watermelons once. Calm down and just at least try to redo the watermelon thing once. I never get teams quitting so quickly unless they are sure that they’ll never be able to finish something. Must just be me because everyone else decided to hop on the “quit” bandwagon. Every other team also decided to head over to the harps.

Kerri and Stacy pull up to the watermelon task just as Bopper and Mark are bailing on it. Our resident hicks lie and tell the girls the task was easy. They steal the girls taxi and then laugh as they pull away. The girls quickly realize that most of the teams didn’t even finish the task, but of course the cab is already gone at that point. Then we’re treated to some ridiculous ripping paper trick. The paper said “Bets” on it and one of the girls rips it in half and says “all bets are off.” Um, you’ve actually just demonstrated that all bets are ripped in half. Was not that funny or cute, but nice try anyway.

The border patrol guys seem to have a major lead over everyone else. They are at the next location where a dance has to be performed, all with a bottle balancing on the head without breaking. If all bottles are broken, the team will get a two hour penalty. I can see this messing some teams up. I must say these ladies with three bottles stacked high on their heads dancing around have some impressive balancing skills. Then again, I do find it strange that some of these countries have this weird stuff going on in the streets. You wouldn’t see this in America, seriously. Imagine that resume. I don’t see someone applying at Walmart and noting that they are able to balance three Miller Lights on their heads while dancing in the street or anything.

Oh what a treat: Rachel, Brendon and Vanessa decide to start the mean girl fighting crap. In typical Rachel fashion, she starts picking on the pretty chick. Never saw that coming. In typical Brendon style, he has to call the pretty chick “disgusting” so that Rachel doesn’t think he has eyeballs that work or anything. I really found myself wishing that by the end of the season, there’s a scene where Rachel walks in on Brendon and Vanessa making out or something. I could only imagine the festivities involving Rachel if that were to happen. Unfortunately, only Ralph seems to have successfully moved beyond 7th grade and we have to suffer the back and forth barbs that are usually reserved for places where dodge ball is regularly played. Lucky us. Literally making fun of each other chanting stuff like “I can see your Bu-uuuttt!” Very mature, girls.

Next we’re moved over to the Strung Out task. Looks like these strings are a complete mess to unravel before stringing them onto the harp. Elliot, uttering what he does not realize will be the kiss of death, says that he’s strung guitars a ton of times and so he should be great at this. Doesn’t take long for his brother to realize that he totally sucks at the task. Seriously, WHY was it so hard for someone who had strung guitars countless times to string a harp? The other teams who had probably never done anything like it before didn’t seem to have a lot of trouble with it.

Anyway, the paranoia gets to be too much for GF and Dave and that Express Pass was apparently burning a hole in their pockets. They decide to use the Express Pass after what seems like they quickly give up on the harp task too. These two don’t seem to do too well under pressure. They were pretty content to quit both tasks early on. We’ll have to see how they do later on, but it was definitely not a good strategy to burn that Express Pass when they did. Here they had a two hour lead on most of the other teams and yet they wasted a ton of time doing and then giving up on two tasks. Then again, Dave sucked at the bottle task, earning them a 2 hour penalty, so maybe it wasn’t a bad idea after all.

Along those lines, I totally couldn’t believe when Rachel picked Dave to do the balancing head thing. She could’ve put those bottles on that shelf-like solar panel she has. Then again, Dave says that he has an odd-shaped head. Now we see what they have in common. Honestly, I think the last head you want to try to balance bottles on is one that is odd-shaped, but that’s just me. You got a lump on top of your head, probably not the head to use. Obviously, they should’ve used her forehead instead of his weird shaped head because they end up with the 2 hour penalty.