Gotta love our resident hicks. Mark is calling the gauchos “grouchos.” Like Groucho Marx or something. Nice. I hope these two stick around because this is some real entertainment.
Again, we’re back to the broken down bus, which is now in last place as a result. They stopped for TWO HOURS to fix the problem. I seriously can’t understand this. Two hours to fix it, yet when they finally get moving again, we see a shot of the curtains blowing all over the place as if there isn’t even plastic and duct tape there. It looks like the window is still just missing. What exactly took two hours then? Why did they even stop?
Uh oh, first sign of one of Big Brother Rachel’s temper tantrums. She’s acting like a really big baby because math is hard! Lovely. Looks like she and Mark are teaming up. This should work out. Between them, they probably couldn’t divide four by two. Shock of the year, Mark apparently has a brain. Maybe it’s because cattle is involved. Anyway, he gets himself and Rachel through this one. Good thing because it didn’t look like Rachel could count to two without assistance during this task. The funny thing is as soon as I saw the title of this show (“I’m not as smart as you!”) I just knew this was a Rachel utterance. Good God, I pray that CBS doesn’t put these two on “Survivor” next. I can’t take it anymore.
Rachel is now having a full meltdown crying fest over telling the taxi to only wait 5 minutes. Apparently, the taxi driver did, and now there’s no taxi. That was smart. The taxi driver had probably driven off before Rachel even figured out what the word “cattle” meant. Brendon basically tells Rachel she’s stupid and then has to spend 15 more minutes convincing her that she’s not. If you ever want to torture yourself, watch reruns of these two living together on either one of those two seasons of Big Brother. I think they could probably put that footage on a constant loop to get terrorists to talk after waterboarding fails.
Just like that, we are shown the first team (G.F. and Dave again) running to the pit stop. We quickly learn that after twenty-five years, mullets are still popular in South America. Guy at the pit stop holding a soccer ball looked like a Hispanic Billy Ray Cyrus. Would’ve loved to hear this guy sing “Achy Breaky Heart” in his Spanish accent.
We’re back to Kerri and Stacy, who seem to think that unless you have kids in school, you won’t have any need to do basic math. One says that she’s good with the cattle task because she does homework with her 11 year old. Um, hopefully you retain the ability to do basic division even if you have not procreated. Otherwise, I just can’t figure out what the purpose of school is in the first place. Can’t the cattle kick up and spray some fresh dung patties at some of these people? I’d have loved to see this chick with her Pepto Bismol lips, screaming and trying to get fresh poop out of her hair.
Eliot and Andrew, who really aren’t shown much, seem to be a couple of blockheads. Well, one of them is anyway. I’m guessing it’s the one with the long hair in the band that no one will ever hear of, but that’s just me. One twin says his brother went further in school but he’s still not sure about him being able to do math. I mean this isn’t exactly Advanced Calculus here right? We’re not talking a blackboard full of mathematical symbols here. We’re talking basic division, right? You don’t have to be Einstein to figure this one out, chump.
The clowns seem to be in some trouble. Cherie says “I know he’s struggling.” Yeah, considering they just showed Dave ripping the last few hairs out of his head and there are basically no cattle or people left, I’d say it’s taking a little too long. Luckily, they get to the point where there’s like one cow left so the division gets easier.
Pit stop order:
1. G.F. and Dave.
2. Art and JJ
3. Bopper and Mark – (apparently, if you add a cattle task, they move up the ranks.)
4. Brendon and Rachel
5. Kerri and Stacy – (wow, nice little cheer from the annoying Pepto Bismol twins.)
6. Nary and Jamie (Nary? What the hell kind of name is that?)
7. Vanessa and Ralph
8. Joey Fitness and Danny (by the way, I think Phil called him “Jerry Fitness.” I’m with you, Phil, who really cares what his name is.)
9. Elliot and Andrew
10. Cherie and Dave (eliminated). Even running up with stupid clown noses on couldn’t save these two. It was probably a non-elimination leg but Phil just couldn’t take it anymore either.
Previews – Elliot or Andrew throwing a tantrum; Big Brother Rachel actually taking until week three to start her usual attack on the pretty chick (Vanessa), calling her a “biotch” and ripping her makeup-application skills in typical jealous chick fashion; G.F. is having trouble with watermelons, probably due to the bright reflection off of her—well….giant forehead.
See you next week!
Written by: Kim Wilson
Email: kwilson1101ATgmail.com
Twitter: @kwilson111 (still nada, sorry)
I actually look forward to reading your recaps every Monday. I know people want to hate on you for being so abrasive (and yes, you are very abrasive), but it certainly keeps me entertained. It’s like LA Reid said on X Factor…”that was so bad, but it felt SO good”!
LOVE your recaps!! I am wondering if you – or anyone else – thinks the KY guys might be faking the hick bit for strategy. I swear I heard one of them “talking normal” last night – maybe during the math bit?? Then again…I may still have jet lag and might be hearing things….
I actually became a registered user just to comment on this…you had me hysterical! I am from Long Island and those two knuckle heads joey and danny are a complete embarrassment! I told my 10 year old…see why it’s important to stay in school. I agree…keep Mark and Bopper around…they make me laugh. I think Nary was supposed to be Mary but they had a typo on her birth certificate…so I guess it stuck. I can’t wait for next weeks recap.
I really like your recaps, laughed out loud to the comment about showing War Horse on her forehead.