AMAZING RACE – 2/26/12

I must say I’m not sure what was going on with Kerri and Stacy last night. They were in some kind of tennis-looking outfits and wearing lipstick that appeared to be circa 1984. Maybe in honor of Whitney Houston’s death or something. It pretty much looked like they rubbed Pepto Bismol on their lips. That lipstick looked like the crap that came with one of those giant decapitated Barbie heads that kids are supposed to put makeup on and shave bald once that gets old.

We’re back to the border patrol guys who are aimlessly driving around. They appear to speak perfect Spanish (Gotta give them credit for being able to say more than “Hey! Get off the wall!”) and yet they can’t seem to find the “Light my Fire” site. Even though they are asking in perfect Spanish, it takes a bunch of people before they find out they are completely going the wrong way. The agents are apparently the only two who didn’t choose the solar panel task, so we’ll have to see how this works out for them.

Next, we’re treated to the various teams building the solar panels and what I can only describe as a “Gosh Darn” montage. Felt like I was watching “Happy Days” for a little while. G.F. just called Dave “Crabby Pants;” Ralph says “Aww, Schnikies;” Vanessa says “Son of a monkey’s uncle!;” and Nary or Jamie (who cares which) says “It’s hotter than shenanigans!” Come on, drop some F-bombs people. What’s with this G-rated stuff. We’ve got clowns AND a bunch of adults that we can apparently count on saying “Oh, H-E-double hockey sticks!” every once in awhile, and I don’t like it. It seems much less likely that we’ll be experiencing the mental abuse/borderline domestic violence I am hoping for this season.

Anyway, the border patrol guys were lagging way behind on trying to find the donkey task. They are beating each other up (actually I wish they were) about how they are so much smarter than this, blah blah blah. Annoying.

Every time they pan in on Mark and Bopper, the background ukulele hillbilly music is played. I wonder how pissed off some of these people get when they watch the show later on. These two aren’t exactly getting an Einstein edit or anything from CBS. Clearly, either there’s just no “smart” footage of these two in existence or they are getting edited specifically to look like dumb hicks.

We’re back to the clowns, who are having trouble with their solar panel (surprise, surprise, since they still haven’t figured out there are giant stick figure directions on the side of the box). The clowns gallop over the hills to G.F. and Dave and pretend they are just coming over to admire their solar panel. Uh, how dumb do you think these two are? They get that you are just trying to see how to put the thing together, dummies. These two couldn’t have been more obvious if Clown Dave was pulling rainbow handkerchiefs out of his sleeve for distraction purposes while Cherie jotted notes in a notebook while staring at G.F.’s solar panel. Though G.F. didn’t even need a solar panel, she could’ve boiled the water right on her giant solar panel forehead. Anyway, these clowns finally realize there’s a freaking picture diagram they should be following on the box. They return to their solar panel and finally get it together. Then they turn their backs on the panel, saying in unison (ugh) that it’s because a watched pot never boils. They literally keep their backs turned until it boils. Very 2nd grade of them. Finally, it boils and Cherie cartwheels off. Wow. Not sure how much more of this happy $hit I can take.

Everyone is pretty much just standing around waiting for his or her pot to boil. The pots seem to be taking forever and the border patrol guys are making headway. In fact, they soon end up in second place. Looks like that was a good strategy going with the other task.