THE AMAZING RACE – 10/16/11

And…we’re back to the twins and their struggle with the umbrellas. One gets hit in the head with a blowing beach umbrella and then breaks down in tears of frustration. And we’re treated to more laughing Thai guys. Probably edited in at that point, but still funny to me. One twin says they used to be lifeguards so they should know how to do this. Then she says that there were chair/umbrella people to do it so they actually don’t really know how. So which one is it? Do you know or don’t you? Seriously, I don’t think you need to have done it for a living or have a degree in Beach Accessories or something to figure out how to unfold a freaking beach chair and get an umbrella in the sand, but that’s just me. After about three hours of suffering, Marcus finally had to tell them to spin the umbrellas down into the sand. I mean, they sat on a beach all summer seeing workers constantly do this and don’t know that?

Andy and Tommy are now off to the next location: They have to use a compass to find Soap Island or something for their next clue. One of the boys grabs one of the clues hanging from a rope. I must ask: why can’t they incorporate some sabotage into this show. I’d like to think if I were on there and allowed to, I’d be burying the rest of the clues on the bottom of the ocean under that boat. Come on…they need to get a Cannonball Run vibe going here. Nails dropped on the racetrack, popped tires, a little extra oil slick….Where’s the fun?

One of the boys (who cares which) had to climb a rock wall to get the next clue from a bird’s nest. I’m not sure it was possible for them to make even one more eagle/bird/nest reference, but these two are always surprising us. Was anyone else hoping that when they got to the top there’d be an angry eagle up there? I was envisioning a peck in the each of the eyes, leading to a nice long fall off of the wall into the sea, and maybe even a killer whale involved. Come on CBS, liven it up a little. Had this been an episode of the Flintstones, there would’ve been a mother pterodactyl up there with a nest of babies and I wouldn’t have to be asking for entertainment in the form of a tragic accident.

Pit stop is next – and that really seemed quick. Too much taxi and airport footage this week in my opinion. Seriously, it was like they barely had to do any actual challenges! They really just had to do the chairs or coral, the rock wall road block and then head right to the pit stop. Kind of a strange week.

Oh no, shoot me. Those freaking snowboarders are #1 again? I mean, they were back of the pack earlier and still got back to the front? I guess I gotta give them some credit, there’s got to be at least two brain cells firing in those heads. Oh no, did these two just reference WIVES? What could these women possibly be like? Must be like Mother Theresa to have not offed them yet. I think I could only manage to hear the word “Dude” from one of them 500 times in a day before I had to pick up a weapon and rid myself of that torture. And I’d get away with it too. All I’d have to show was footage of one of these sweat-banded dummies saying “Dude, I just said Dude again…Duuuuude” and a few clips from this show and the jury would be like “I totally get why she killed him. Not guilty.”

Moving along, Cindy and Ernie seem to suck at compasses and now that I’m kind of gunning for them to lose, I’m getting my hopes up. They totally annoy me. Love how they directed their boat at what they thought was the clue and instead happened upon some pirate ship or something. Would’ve loved for cannonballs or something to come exploding out at them. That would spice things up a little. When that didn’t happen, I was hoping that they’d sail all the way to Hawaii before realizing they were going the wrong way. But I would’ve still settled for a “hole in boat/boat sinking/sharks circling” scenario. Either would do. That’s what they’d get for the pretentious little comment about having just been to Phuket. I just loved Ernie’s monologue about why they were going in the complete wrong direction, headed toward nowhere as if somehow the compass was at fault. “Well, er, we were going south before but now we’re headed north toward those rocks.” Yeah, the N on the compass means north, you dumbass. Hell, the compass could have had “North” spelled out on there for all we know. Anyway, Ernie, didn’t you and Cindy cover compasses in your Amazing Race preparation courses?

Damn, they made it to the clue location after all. Did she just say they practiced rock climbing before they got here so “He’s got this!?” I’ve got a new team that I really hope crashes and burns. I now wish the angry-pecking-eagle-falling-to-circling-sharks scenario on these two. Pricks.

Did I seriously just have to suffer through Cathi saying she liked the view of Bill’s ass while he was climbing the rock? Ugh. Spare us. And that VOICE. Kill me.

Floating stadium is the pit stop. Kind of a stupid concept to me. If you miss the goal, I guess the game is over. Dumb.

Anyway, again with regret I inform of the results:

1) Andy/Tommy
2) Justin/Jennifer
3) Jeremy/Sandy
4) Laurence/Zac
5) Ernie/Cindy (team number FIVE? But WE STUDIED FOR THIS!)
6) Amani/Marcus
7) Bill/Cathi (We’re team SEVEN and cheering like idiots over it!)
8) Liz/Marie (non-elimination leg but will get speed bump next leg).

To me, this episode was kind of boring. Too much taxi/airport stuff, too little challenges and way too much focus on those dumb chairs and umbrellas.

Previews: Riding on elephants in the rain, Jeremy and Sandy are lost, Liz and Marie are trying to catch a bus or taxi with no money. Even an ugly Thai guy with no teeth apparently thinks that’s hilarious.

See you all next week!

Written by:
Kim Wilson
Email: kwilson1101@gmail.com
Twitter: @kwilson1101