THE AMAZING RACE – 10/16/11

And we’re back…I tried to take a look at the Elimination Interviews from last week, but apparently CBS doesn’t think anyone beyond Ethan and Jenna rate. They haven’t been updated since that elimination. Not even Ron and Bill, who were also eliminated that week, were worth a mention. I did see a “deleted scene” of Kaylani and Lisa immediately after their elimination. They don’t discuss what tripped them up, and all it really was was a plea to have them back on the show in the future. But I did see something that just goes to show that there are many different opinions out there on any given topic or person. Someone commented on the interview and basically said they were sobbing when Kaylani and Lisa were eliminated and talking about being without her child, etc. You remember how I felt about all that? Apparently other people loved those two out there and thought they were so genuine. Go figure. Hope they didn’t read this column.

So, on to the show: Phuket, Thailand this time. I love that city. You can just imagine how many constant R-rated mispronunciations this one gets. If you say it just the right way, it kind of sounds like my attitude most of the time.

Anyway, we’re at the starting gate and again I’m reminded that the goofy snowboarders somehow came in first. As Andy and Tommy run off, they see a couple of stone horses and say “Maybe we can take one of these horses, Yee HAW!” The torture begins early with these two. I don’t remember the cowboys ever annoying me this much during their two seasons, and this kind of ridiculous talk would have been expected with those two. Anyway, the ticket taker tells them they have to go to Jakarta before Phuket. The snowboarders say “Uh, yeah, that sounds good.” Like they had any idea more than I did whether that travel itinerary makes any sense. She could’ve told them they’d have to catch a flight from Mars to Thailand and they’d have agreed.

Thank God, the camera finally moves away from the brainless duo and we settle on Zac and Laurence in a taxi. Zac says, “I have not been to Thailand before, have you Dad?” Laurence answers, “I don’t know, I don’t think so.” Hmm. That wouldn’t be one I’d have to think on. I’ve been two places outside of the US (one of which was my honeymoon, of course) so I really resent this kind of conversation from people who have been everywhere. Like gee, let me think…I’m so important, I’ve been EVERYWHERE, but I don’t think Thailand. Pretentious pricks. Just shocked Zac didn’t take the chance to mention that he sailed around the world again.

HOLD UP– did I just hear what I thought I heard on CBS? My dream come true?! Did Zac just ask for a flight to F*CK-IT, Thailand? Awesome! I must admit I only know what I presume is the right pronunciation because I suffered through the last installation of the Bachelorette and they went there too. So it’s Poo-KET not F*CK-IT, guys. But I still like that you said it and totally agree with the concept. I would like to state the obvious: Here I am loser Delawarean, barely been anywhere outside the US and I know the pronunciation and these two have been circumnavigating the planet on a boat like frigging Magellan and have no clue on how to say Phuket? Sad.

Oh no. I had to listen again for the fun of it and on second listen Zak actually said PUCKET. Oh well, he’s still a moron and still mispronounced it. It was very funny for me for a couple of minutes anyway. Was it me or was the ticket taker high or something? She seemed to have no clue where he was talking about either. Think the Thailand part would’ve clued her in.

Anyway, next we’re reminded that Jeremy and Sandy are apparently on this show. That’s something that I forget every week. Sandy says “I always wanted to go to Thailand…It’s going to be foreign to me though.” Bottom lip hanging out like a two-year-old when she says it too. Uh huh. Must I even bother to pick that statement apart? Not sure if she’s seen this show before. They don’t tend to be racing around Beverly Hills on this show, am I right? I would think pretty much every leg of the race would be foreign. But I’m wasting time stating the obvious. The good news is that I’m definitely sensing there’s a dummy replacement for my eliminated showgirls.

Now we see Cindy and Ernie, who are quickly becoming my least favorite couple. It’s a good thing I wasn’t in the cab with them because the “Ernie and I are pretty excited because we were just in Phuket, Thailand!” comment would’ve led to a nice punch in the face. For me, in terms of the pretentiousness meter, they are now ahead of Magellan Jr. and Sr. I know it’s a jealousy thing, but I freaking hate people that have been everywhere and are always jet setting all over the world. I think they do it just to brag about it to the rest of us losers that never leave their home states. Anyway, it gets on my nerves and I hope these two crash and burn soon.

Bill and Cathi are back AGAIN commenting about how they are almost 30 years older than the next oldest team…blah blah blah. Must we hear this each week? Did they not realize this when they applied to the show? Last time I checked, there has never been an Amazing Race: Cocoon season. I hope neither of them have a birthday anytime soon either because if I have to hear “Now we are OFFICIALLY 30 years older than the next oldest team,” I’m gonna put my foot through my television screen.

And back to the brainy twins, Liz and Marie. Did one of them just pronounce it “Boo-Ka,” Thailand? Uh, there’s no B in there and I’m not seeing anything resembling “KA” at the end. Again, it’s like kindergarteners trying to read these clues with some of these dummies. I’d like to think CBS is doing this on purpose to show how dumb they are. Why else air every team reading the clue when they butcher the pronunciations? It’s not like we need to hear the clue over and over again.