Next, Bill and Cathi decide to park bikes for money. Cathi says something to the effect of “Come EEE–ON” instead of “Come In.” God, that voice. Shoot me if they make it past this leg.
No words for Ernie’s face while he fist pumped Cindy in the cab. Looked constipated at best, totally demented at worst. That guy is weird, seriously. Seemed like something Shaggy would’ve done to Scooby.
And we’re moved on to more philosophical thought courtesy of our brainy blonde twins: “We’ve never been to an orphanage in our life. Thinking about an orphanage is like, really sad because they, like, don’t have parents.” Yeah, that’s apparently the definition of an orphan. Thanks for that explanation. And then these two say they know how these kids feel because they just lost their dad. Well, actually you don’t. Presumably, you still have a mom or you’d have mentioned that, right? So, no, you don’t know how it feels. You still have a mom, thus, you are NOT orphans. Not to mention you have a dumb identical copy of yourself following you around too, don’t you? Not exactly the same feeling of alone and living with strangers in an orphanage. And this isn’t the one Annie was at either. This apparently is the orphanage with the kids left over from some volcanic eruption from last year in Indonesia. Are there just too many disasters going on lately, or am I the only one who doesn’t remember this one? I vaguely remember hearing about Indonesia in the last few years, I guess. Just goes to show, if there’s a disaster, Amazing Race will show up to race there shortly thereafter. Can’t count how many times that has happened…actually remember them being in India or somewhere right before a disaster a number of years back. But CBS just loves showing up in a country right after a disaster, don’t they? Hey, why not exploit other people’s suffering, right?
So it was totally wild seeing two people on one of those small motorbikes, with a very young baby asleep between the two–it’s arms wrapped around the front rider and basically lying on his back. Another case of “this would never fly in America,” huh? We’ve got like 500 ordinances about putting children in our CARS –front facing, rear facing, latches, weight limits, no front seat riding until 12 years old, etc. I’m pretty sure it’s a no-no here to have an infant on a motorcycle, wedged in like a sandwich with no helmet. These Indonesians basically have their kids driving these motorbikes, no helmets, nothing. And we’ve already seen that the driving isn’t exactly all that safe there either. Good luck to the kids in that country.
Back to the detours: After dropping off the money to the orphanage, if you F up and don’t realize you have to give away all of your money, you just get this weird looking belt buckle thingy instead of a clue. First three teams get this and can’t figure out where the hell the clue is. But I guess the clue before that must have the pit stop info, because otherwise how do all these people make it to the pit stop?
In case you were feeling sentimental about the volcanic tragedy, the orphanage or kids, we got our snowboarding tools to bring us back to annoyance: “We’re headed to the orphanage to give the kids a wad of CAY-sh.” These kids parents are dead from a volcano’s eruption and they are stuck in an orphanage in Indonesia, guys. Will probably never be adopted, may not even be eating much for all we know. Try to take this a little seriously, huh? At least spare us the simpleton jokes anyway. As expected, these dumbos don’t give all their money at first, but then holy crap THEY are the first to figure it out! I mean, are you kidding me? THESE TWO are the only ones in this group that have some sort of reading comprehension under pressure? “Good freaking eye man” one idiot says to the other. Ugh. Are these two seriously going to finish first?
So Cindy and Ernie get to the pit stop first but are quickly told they f’ed up and forgot to give all their money to the orphanage and have to go back. Cindy has a very annoying ”WAH WAH WAH, I can’t do this” moment and tells us because of her Asian background nothing but success is acceptable. Yeah, we get it Cindy. We can’t understand because we are just dumb Americans used to being stupid and screwing everything up at least once. But get a grip, huh? You’re getting a little delayed on Amazing Race because of your mistake, not being sent to the gas chamber. Get over it. You race with someone who looks like Fred from Scooby Doo and that’s what happens.
Oh man, next we see that Ethan lost the clue. He and Jenna fight over who gave who the clue, who forgot the clue and why. Love when people start sounding like me & my husband. Especially in public. It validates me.
Blonde twins arrive second at the pit stop but then are also sent back to the orphanage.
I’m starting to think there’s no God. Not one that likes ME anyway. Kaylani and Lisa also figured out to give all their money at the orphanage? So much for getting rid of them this week.
Bill and Cathi at the pit stop third: Phil asks if they handed all their money over and they say no. Um, it’s called lying, you dummies. Phil ain’t gonna strip search you. He clearly didn’t know one way or the other, that’s why he asked. But oh well. They are sent back to the orphanage. I’m just stunned that these two are still right there in the mix.
Did those snowboarders seriously just come in first? “Dude, I may kill myself.” That was me talking.
Next we see Justin and Jennifer with Jennifer having a breakdown because she can’t run. Hey, those enormous boobs were clearly holding her back. Don’t know how it feels to run with boobs constantly punching me in the eyes, so I just can’t understand her pain.
Our final scenes show the racers heading back to the orphanage and each apologizing for being so freaking greedy as to have not given every cent they had. What you should be sorry for is that you are an adult and still can’t read. But anyway, each finally arrive at the pit stop in the following finishing order:
#1 Tommy and Andy
#2 Zac and Laurence
#3 Kaylani and Lisa
#4 Ernie and Cindy
#5 Liz and Marie (just realized I’ve never really used their names before)
#6 Jeremy and Sandy (are these two on the show?)
#7 Bill and Cathi
#8 Justin and Jennifer
#9 Amani and Marcus
#10 Jenna and Ethan (eliminated)
#11 Ron and Bill (eliminated)
You can just see Jenna and Ethan aren’t all that torn up – both have a million already, right? But it was really surprising to me to see them go so early. I guess all that spoiler talk of them getting engaged on the show was a load of crap, anyway.
Before I get to the upcoming scenes, can someone tell me if there is anywhere online where you can get actual spoilers for this show? If I want to tell NOW who gets canned next week, is there a site out there to tell that? I spent hours researching this online but on all the spoiler sites I’ve seen, they don’t really give away anything except for the other locations that the racers will go this season. I can’t seem to find anything that actually registers who makes it far, etc. Let me know if there’s something I’m missing out there! I promise I’ll give ample notice of any spoilers I share….
Next show preview: Ernie’s pedal falls off causing trouble, Cathi falls about sixteen times in a field (isn’t she a farmer, and isn’t this where she’s supposed to be at her best?), other teams shown looking lost in a temple. Nothing all that compelling unless that pedal actually brings Ernie and Cindy down. But I’m looking forward to seeing Cathi fall down a lot. I just generally like to see people falling down. Nice, huh?
See you all next week!
Kim
great recap, I love the amazing race, but your recaps are pretty much my thoughts 🙂 for spoilers on Reality Fan Forum they have a spoiler forum that is Tweets and Facebook status while the race was going on and they try to figure out who gets eliminated where. Some what accurate last season up to the Final 5 if I remember. Can’t wait to read it next week.
I’m not so interested in spoilers for this show… would rather just see it play out in the episodes each week.
Enjoyed reading this recap! But I do notice a type of animosity towards Bill and Cathi that doesn’t exist with the rest. Why, I wonder? Sure, there are a lot of dumb people on the show this time — it seems there are even more dumb ones than usual. But the Bill and Cathi thing seems to be partly related to their age.
Bill and Cathi are the token older people on this show… they always have at least one couple (or one person) who is older. Big deal! I like the way all the other couples applauded for them because they had not been eliminated in the first round. But I wondered… usually I think everybody knows who did or didn’t get eliminated, the same night they stay at the pit stop. Why not this time?
Keep up the good work on this column — it’s enjoyable to read!
Hey mja,
You know, funny you mention me hitting Bill and Cathi so hard. I totally did. I kind of realized reading back over this week’s column that a lot of what I wrote at the beginning this week didn’t even really happen as expected. I mean, they did seriously rebound this week…all the stuff I wrote at the beginning of the column was based on last week’s performance. Last week they were pretty bad. But no animosity there. They seem like nice people and they obviously are better than what they showed last week. I’d say my least favorite team so far has to be the showgirls…as if that’s not obvious. I thought I hit them harder even than Bill and Cathi. When people introduce themselves by saying “We’re just so damn beautiful no one takes us seriously..blah blah blah” they have made an enemy of me.
Anyway, thanks for reading. I was afraid to look at the comments but I’m not getting torn apart here and am very grateful for that!
Glad to hear spoilers aren’t as important either…I think I could spend hours trying to find one little piece of info that isn’t even all that important.
Good question on the pitstop – I found it weird that no one knew whether Bill/Cathi had been eliminated or not…maybe AR did that just to keep the suspensse up leading into the announcement of the double elim?
Thanks for the info riverme…very helpful! I went on RFF but just kept looking through the spoilers section and was getting nowhere fast. I’ll check out the Twitter/FB section.
Kim, Thanks for reading and replying to our comments. I think you are doing a great job on these recaps, and I inted to keep reading!
Hey! Your recap was hilarious and I loved it. Just thought I’d clarify, Andy and Tommy do some surfing in addition to snowboarding, which would be where the surfing reference came from.
I agree with mja, you’re doing a great job and I will definitely keep reading.
Thanks Mja!
Also thanks Licia…I thought I was in outer space…good to know there is a surfing thing going on there too!