THE AMAZING RACE – 9/25/11

Written by:
Kimberly Wilson
Email: kwilson1101@gmail.com

Hello everyone! Welcome to Season 19 of The Amazing Race. Before we get started on the first episode, I figure I’d better introduce myself…as if anyone cares. I’m Kim and I live in the little state that your Vice President comes from. Besides the VP, Ryan Phillippe and Teri Polo, no one notable is ever from Delaware. And see how pathetic that is? You just asked who the hell Teri Polo is. Anyway, as for me, I have a full time job, a husband that I nag to death and two energetic little boys that leave me looking like Jack Nicholson in “The Shining” a full 25% of the time. But enough of the boring stuff, let’s get on to the season opener!

So we are starting in Los Angeles, California and get introduced to our newest group of couples. We are not disappointed in discovering the usual token older couple, father/son, gay guys, engaged couple, D-list “celebrity” couple and two sets of pretty but kind of dumb looking girls at least two of which have fake boobies. Here they are:
(I just realized you’re probably expecting a picture of the boobies…sorry to disappoint. Here the COUPLES are).

1. Andy and Tommy: Former Olympic snowboarders. We know right away these two are tools…they are literally jumping up and down in excitement. I didn’t realize that anyone still did that after kindergarten but hey, there it was. I think it’s going to be like watching Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure with these two. Possibly Beavis and Butthead at times. They definitely don’t strike me as Nobel Prize winners or anything.

2. Ethan and Jenna—Former “Survivor” winners. Damn, CBS sure loves to recycle its reality TV people. Didn’t we just have Boston Rob and Amber from Survivor and Jeff and Jordan from Big Brother on there? Ethan and Jenna actually seem pretty with it and I think they have a chance to go far. And congrats to Jenna on her chest enhancements…haven’t doctors figured out yet that a mile-wide gap between fake boobs is a bit of a giveaway? And I love how they dedicate a couple of minutes of Ethan talking about his years long battle with cancer and then immediately pan to Jenna inexplicably popping out of a pile of tires. That’s in good taste, CBS.

3. Laurence and Zac – Father and son—Zac was the first teen to sail around the world or something…blah blah blah. Is it me or is Zac without a “k” a really annoying spelling? At least it guarantees none of the Kardashians will ever date him. Not that they would anyway—this guy is a small white guy who looks like he hasn’t seen a shower in a month and doesn’t exactly qualify as a professional athlete to the Kardashian standards. I mean, he knows he’s going to be on TV yet doesn’t bother to wash his hair? What a greasy mess.

4. Ernie and Cindy – recently engaged but to me, just a strange looking couple. Not one I’d have put together anyway. And we get to see their cute antics: poking each other while out for a run. Now I’m gunning for them to lose already. I’d rather see them ten years into the marriage. Nobody does that cute poking crap at that point. Well, it’s certainly not meant in a cute way anymore anyway. Start throwing fists and I might root for you. Otherwise, poke each other off a cliff for my entertainment.

5. Justin and Jennifer — brother and sister from Georgia. Not much to see there yet. I’m guessing these two will be bickering like sister and brother from the limited amount we’ve seen them. Justin describes Jennifer as a hot head. Can’t wait to see that play out.

6. Bill and Cathi—married grandparents a/k/a token Amazing Race older people. Look at us in front of our FARM! They go on and on about how they have been on their farm for 40 years and understand hard labor. Should be great in the cow milking and manure shoveling challenges. The others better watch out! These two don’t seem too swift to me.

7. Liz and Marie –twin blondes, kind of getting a “dumb” vibe. Did I seriously hear a quote from one that sounded like “We’ve been together literally since birth.” Thanks girls. But we do already understand the concept of twins. We also now know that these twins are apparently sharing the same idiotic genetic code.

8. Jeremy and Sandy – dating but never lived together. A bunch of prattle about how this will really be the most time they’ve spent together and we’ll see if it works out. Now that I think of it, there’s a couple like this every time too. Could’ve done without the cute/annoying shot of him carrying her on his back. Hope you break up and lose the race. So there!

9. Ron and Bill – “domestic partners” and flight attendants. Two of those guys that you would NEVER be able to tell were gay unless they told you. Uh, not really. It’s pretty obvious right away when we watch this love connection rolling their rolly bags together and staring into each other’s eyes. And what the freak were they wearing at the start of the race? Matching aqua blue shirts with pockets over both of the boobs? I don’t think I’ve seen that fashion statement since Bobby Brady took that Hawaiian vacation with the fam.

10. Amani and Marcus — married 10 years. The second black couple on the show from Georgia. Does Amazing Race not realize there are blacks out there that are not from Georgia? We even have them here in our little state! May want to branch out a little bit with casting, huh? So Marcus apparently played ten years for the Indianapolis Colts. My husband had no clue who this guy was but then again we’re Eagles fans. Not that we’re bragging about that so far this season.

11. Kaylani and Lisa – pretty brunette Las Vegas show girls. So, do these two look like another set of twins or what? Are they NOT twins? They sure look like it. These are the two that I pretty much hated right away. Typical “People look at us and say we’re SOOOO pretty so we must also be dumb but then we show them our huge brain power!” Then one says that people would be surprised how intelligent a nightclub/cocktail waitress is. I don’t think I’d be that surprised myself. I am just praying that they edited this show to make these two look as dumb as possible after that diatribe. Crash and burn, girls.